"If you don't intend to catch me, pls don't make me fall for you ."

First Year. 11022012. ♥

2012-02-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

The title says it all. A year with him has past. This relationship by far has not been the easiest i should say. Many wonderful times, many heartaches too. haha. Oh well, guys will always be guys, and we girls will have to be patient. You can have the most perfect relationship, a guy that just gives off that perfect image when he's with you, but you'll never know if that is really THE him. Flaws makes a person greater, and it makes him greatest, when he's not afraid to show his flaws. I accept him for who he is although it hurts me at times, but that is exactly how human beings are. If you can't accept someone for who they are, than it's best you live your life in denial, cause no one's perfect. So what if people say that he don't deserve me, i know i deserve him, and well, we're truly, madly, deeply in love for god sake, so i don't care what people want to say.
Many more wonderful years with this adorable guy. I just love him that much, that i can't really say anything anymore. Let's just let the pictures do the talking. And briefly, we spent our year doing wonderful things at Sentosa. hehe. Jewel Cable Car, Luge & Skyride plus the breathtaking Songs Of The Seas show. :D ♥

P.S: Okay, he's too adorable that stupid photos of him makes me smile. haha. :p I hope you enjoyed today, cause i enjoyed it very much with you by my side. :)) ♥
Happy Anniversary Luqman Hakim. ^^

Why do people enter lives and leave as and when they wish...

2012-01-28T23:03:00.001+08:00

I'm here again. Still here. My fingers are itching to update this place of mine. So, it's the weekends, and as usual, i seem to have no plans or life. Except a life as a student. If that is anywhere near interesting. Anyway, again, i'm drowning in projects, and it's only JANUARY. Mind that! Gosh, it feels like i've had school for a couple of months already. But however, school has been somewhat easy, except for the direct punch of assignments and projects on the very first day of school. I don't want to rant about school. I. Don't. Want.

I'm angry at myself for many things. Something's bothering me. And i really don't know why i should be bothered about it. Sometimes, life is just unfair. It puts you rotating in a wheel. A huge wheel or a small wheel. One that just never stops spinning with you just holding to a spot for your dear life. At times, it spins and brings you to the climax of it. Where you see all the wonderful walks of life, and just HAPPY. But at times, you're just down there, getting drenched in the dirty puddles, just waiting for someone to pick you up and say, 'Life is full of challenges, but you gotta be strong and climb back up there.' I'm gonna be Twenty this year. Yes. T.W.E.N.T.Y. The thought of it knocks me right in my brain. My fantasy of getting engaged at 21 seems to be just 2 years from now. I'm so minah kahwin-kahwin, and it's this aspect of life that you can never predict or foresee. And hence, it only stays as plans, with no guarantee...

I don't know why but i can never stop myself from responding to him. I wished i had strength to be oblivious and push him as far as possible. But somehow, he is my greatest weakness. I get weak to my knees when something's about him just pops up, what more himself popping up again. I don't want him to be the reason again for my dilemma. He may be the man of my dreams. The one i see to propose me like in my fantasy dream of getting engaged at 21, but he just isn't the one that would make me forget someone like him. It's complicated but, i believe, if it wasn't for my boyfriend, the only guy who managed to snatched me out of my buried sorrow, i'd have lived in a lifeless doll's body till this day. Always in a daze.

I'm just afraid, one day...
I don't know why that incident keeps playing in my head. I don't want him to feel that his stay aren't worth it. And goes finding another one. Like as if i'm not his guaranteed girlfriend. Or maybe, i'm just thinking too much. Reasons and reasons. Always afraid, insecure.
But no doubts, i love him like crazy that i think i am nuts.

Everything

2012-01-16T20:17:00.001+08:00

Tried so hard to hold back tears. Long rides really makes things worst. Idon’t even know why I took 403 and sat for a whole loop journey home. I guess Ineeded the time alone to reflect. My phone lost its signal, and I’m left toread those last few texts without being able to reply and how those one line ofsuch a tone could make me feel so downturned. I knew i said the wrong thing. And if i could,i would give everything to him. Yes, everything. In fact i gave my all. Butit's getting back to me, if it is worth it all these things i do for him. I'mafraid, one day, my existence seems to just be a need, not for love. I neverhoped to meet him today. In fact I try so hard to forget the negative imprint Ihave awhile back. I chose to accept and forget, but now, I feel this colddistance. A silent cold barrier created slowly. I didn’t mind when he had planstoday, cause my instinct told me we won’t meet anyway. But must he reply me insuch a tone that makes me blame myself for the abrupt change of behaviour. Thetone like as if I’m just another stranger just hurts me so bad. I never wantedto hurt him by my reluctance. It’s me wanting not to hurt this and that, but I gottatake the hurt in return. I guess it is fair for me, cause my only wish for himis to be happy. Even if it means I’m silently crying soothing my owninsecurities. Used to prioritise me, but it seems to fade. I don’t want to meethim if he doesn’t feel the need for me to be around him. I’m happy as long ashe is. I have to accept that at times, I’m just a stranger in this silentcoldness. If ever one day, it occurred that he’s struggling to return whatseems to fade to me, I’ll be willing to release him from the feeling of being obligedto love someone like me.

Or maybe it’s all just me.

I can’t even wait to go and change and freshen up, cause I just feelhorrible inside and I just need to pen it down somewhere.

This got me thinking tho. Perhaps, it's just a girl's thing to overthink. *sigh*

Hiba

2012-01-11T22:50:00.001+08:00

I thought of blogging in malay, but my expressions seems so formal in malay. It'll be so sajak-ish that it doesn't sound from my heart. Honestly, I'm feeling at my worst for the moment. I don't know why I'm very affected with my brother's result. I'm really sad and hampa and sedih and pilu and hiba and just everything. :"(
I really wanted him to go polytechnic upon receiving his O Levels. I wish he made it. I honestly feel that i've let this family down. I really regret not helping my brother when he needed me to guide him. I was so busy with my own school that i didn't have time to tutor him. I thought he would be fine on his own. I really wished that one of my siblings will just do well in life, especially my 17 year old brother. He's the only hope for this family cause i know my second brother is not gifted in the academics area. He is special in his own way, and i'm just happy he is doing well in Northlight School. And now, seeing my little sister so laid back and heck care in her studies just makes me more worried. What if she ends up not getting a place in Secondary School too because of her weak maths? I want to teach, but i myself have limited time to tutor them. I hate the fact that i'm going to be a teacher and yet i can't even teach my own siblings and make them cleverer. I really fail as a sister. And as a daughter, i'm trying so hard to help this family. But it just never seems enough.
I'm not myself these days and always caught up in a daze. Everything irritates me and makes me upset. The slightest joke made by boyfriend also can make this heart ache. Sometimes i just need someone to be nice to me and always so soft towards me. Someone who just shows that they care alot like i do. I've been teased alot. I've been mocked alot. I just want someone, anyone, to be nice to me, especially at times like this where i wish i could rewind time and undo many things that i failed to do. I'm just this fragile girl that needs so much more than just unintentional words that hurt minimally.

A Whole New Year

2012-01-08T20:02:00.000+08:00

It's a quarter of January gone now.
Tomorrow will be the first day of school for me. (Okay i sound like a primary one kid with the 'first day of school' haha)
But so yea, it is going to be my first day of my second semester tomorrow. :)
I'm pretty excited actually, although i'm getting all the jitters. Honestly, i don't know why i'm nervous. It's not like my first year in NIE. It's my 3rd freaking year already!
I'm enjoying every bit of my years in NIE, although it gets kinda stressful with many overlapping projects and assignments. haha. Maybe because i'm paid to study. One of the motivations. Heh. But, but, but, it is afterall my dream future. To teach those cute children. :))

Anyway, the start of my new year was pretty awesome. I spent my New Year's Eve with my bestfriend at Siloso Beach, and if you guys are wondering, why the hell i was there, that's cause Ryna got a pair of free entry. So yea, my virgin experience in a countdown party. I seriously confess that i felt real bad going there at first, because people were just half-naked there. haha. And like all sorts of people were there. And i must say, how my first experience has already got me attracting few guys there. LOL! (Sorry boyfriend, i misbehaved a little, but it wasn't my intention. I was just loving the attention i got for the moment. I really thank god for my protective parents. Because if not, with my appearance, i'm for sure gonna get drown in the dark side...)
But nothing went further then usual. Happened there, and stayed there. Overall, it was an awesome night, i felt like a minah. HAHAHA. wtf. Okay moving on.... I AM STILL THE GIRL EVERYONE KNOWS. NAIVE, SIMPLE, POLITE and SWEET. (cheh!)
But honestly, partying is so not me. Having to wear skimpy clothes for attention is just temporary. You might attract people, loads of them, but eventually, what they see is what they want. And yes, in skimpy clothes, guys only want ONE thing. To get all over you. So i'm pretty sure, you wouldn't want a man who only craves to sleep with you and love you for your body.

Enough said, i wanna start fresh. Do well in my second semester, cause i wasn't impressed with my first sem's result. :( Pretty disappointed. But no worries, i'm gonna focus more this year. No more fooling around and not studying properly. #newyearsresolution

Nonetheless, i wish, 2012 will be a good year for me. A smooth-sailing one, with family, love and career. ♥

& yes, still with this irritating idiot. :p 34 days to our FIRST YEAR. I'm just happy to have gone through this much/long with him. He makes me cry and then makes me laugh. People always whispered we'll never stay through, but you know something, i'm proving them wrong, cause you're perfect for me. :) ♥

Expressionless...

2011-12-25T04:44:00.001+08:00

I guess this will be my last heart felt post of the year. It's Christmas, and yes, December is almost gone. I tried to be strong right now. I am trying, and will be even if tearing is my biggest mistake and weakness. 2011 has been a turning point in my entire life. I wish i could undo many things. Typing it down and reading it as a reader will never make you people feel what i feel now. I'm leaving it all to HIM. Damage has been done, mistakes have been made, but life still goes on.

I really don't know what else to do to just be happy. Here i am, typing away, and then deleting it. I feel so helpless that all i can do is just swallow and accept that things happen for a reason. I feel like running away. Be quiet and not to respond to anyone. I'm feeling so horrible inside to know how he feels about us... I never expected things would be this way. But since it is for the best, i guess, i will painfully just go away for awhile. You'll never know how this sensitive girl is coping with words like that. Distance. It's all happening again. I can see it. He said that to me too, but eventually, the outcome has always been the same. No emoticons can show what the hell i'm feeling. Anger is out of the story. I don't feel that at all. I just feel brokened. Saddened by the whole fact that this would be a part of our story. When signs of getting bored shows. I don't know. And i shouldn't even talk about it, but why do i have to face this? It's near 5am, and how am i supposed to sleep. Sometimes, i just ask myself, do i deserve to be treated like this? I've always been the queen of my father's life when i was young, but now, i am nobody's queen. No one. :'(

It says alot, when a guy wants distance. And it's okay, it's just a sign that perhaps he's holding on to something he isn't sure of. Me.

Reminds me of this, which i came across on twitter and kept it in my phone for soo long.

"She is a nice girl. Cares for you deeply. You know she will be loyal and devoted. Basically perfect for you. But somehow you don't feel as strong for the person like how she is to you. And you know, if you let go, it's not easy to find someone like that again. Are you in this situation?"

Why am i reading his text over and over again. I'm going down that road again..

Refrain from getting hurt? No one can run away from that when you love too much, it's a stupid mistake to entirely give a whole you to someone. That's one thing i wish to undo. Cause it hurts deep in me right now. I was numb before, but now, it's paining me that tears is just salt and water nothing more right now.

Told myself from the start, why did i go back on my own words and promises? ;'(

I ruined myself. I did.

Shopping Haul.

2011-12-25T02:07:00.000+08:00

This is like a long overdue post. Lol. Just last Monday, I went out with my close friend, Yanty to Bugis Street. We actually planned to go many places,but in the end, we ended up walking all over Bugis. It was damn tiring i should say. But i had fun buying many things. Pampering myself since it's THE bonus month. haha. So yea, this post will be about the things i bought. Pretty much photos will do the talking lah. I don't wanna ramble. :p

Yanty waiting for her food. :)

And yeap, we had late lunch like at Pastamania. Couldn't make up our minds where to eat, so wejust settled for this.

My Penne Seafood pasta with Cream Sauce

Yanty's Bolognese Spaghetti

I bought this panty-hose which i intend to buy for the GESL party i have, and i couldn't just buy 1, cause it was 5 for $5.90. So yea, just grabbed few other colours. I seriously don't know when i'll wear the rest. bleargh.

Okay, this was my very first buy. I really love lace and into this kinda tops. And as usual, i picked white, cause it's my fave colour! However, this top somewhat makes me look fat!HAHA. but nvm, good buy lah, 15 bucks, but i got it for 14..okaylah tu. LOL.

This is my most FAVOURITE dress! Worth my $23. I just wore this just now. (went out with bff on Christmas Eve for full body massage at Bonafides and shopping at H&M plus town.)

This is it on me! I love how the dress is slanted to the right and just so flowy! :D

This is a babydoll top. It's lacy and this is just perfect for the party, since it's themed 'Childhood Memories'. And yes, i'm dressing up as a Barbie Doll. HAHAHA. The imperfect barbie.

This was another good buy! For only $20 only. It's a high-waist jeans. Been wanting one cause it looks sooo cool when you wear a tucked in simple shirt. :))

I bought 2 earrings from this Korean shop at level 2 (if i'm not wrong) for quite an expensive price lah. This simple but sweet stud is like $9.90. But i think it's worth lah, cause korean accessories are very pretty, bling-bling and won't tarnish. I'm saying so, cause i always buy Korean accessories.

THIS IS MY MOST FAVOURITE EARRING for the moment! hehe. I've been looking for a pretty feathered earrings for soo long. Usually the ones i came across ones are those typical peacock feathers kind it's very simple. This one was picked by Yanty. She knows i'm looking for something real pretty like this, so yea, she kept a lookout for it too. Thanks to her! hehe. This was much expensive cause there were diamonds and stuffs. $19.90, but i couldn't resist getting it, so i bought both. :)))

Can't really see uh, cause of my hair! -.- But this is the best photo that shows the earring. It looks like i have 3 studs when i put it on, padahal, it's only one lah. I wish i could have multiple ear piercing. #rebel

This was the cutest buy i had for the day. haha. It's a kit for mask. The bowl so cute yknow!!! It's PINK and it's not plastic, can bend one!!! It's rubber-latex material like that. I bought this at Aries. Yanty bought the same one too! :)) Must be wondering why i bought a mask kit when i don't use mask that often. That's because, i bought a NEW ALOE VERA MASK!

I bought this Organic Mask at Venus. Cause my skin sooo dry and dehydrated lah! -.- And the results were great!!! After 1st application only, i could feel how smooth, soft and supple my skin was. :))

Last but not least, my favourite buy of the day too! Ehem,ehem. haha. I really love Younghearts. It's the best lingerie shop ever! :DD Spent $44 bucks total. haha. :p

So yea, that's about it. I wanna blog about today's outing but no pictures of the things i got today. haha. All with RynaQue, www.rynaque.com . Visit her blog! You'll know why when you see her blog. Young advertiser in the making. :DD

But anyways, just briefly, i enjoyed today's date with bff. We pampered ourselves with a full body massage at Bonafides! Then went shopping at H&M and i got myself a Grey Skater Dress and a back-buttoned cropped top that says, 'Love Is Hard', all over the top! HAHAAH. Mad love it.

Okay that's about it. My hands like sotong blogging, chatting, fb-ing. haha. okay bye. xoxo.

hLaOtVeE you .

2011-12-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

Been some time since i update this blog. That's because i'm more in love with mini bites rantings. Yes, twitter. If you guys wanna stalk me, yeap, i'm more active there. It's public. Love, hate, idc.
So anyway, it's in the wee hours now, and i should be sleeping. Boyfriend's asleep already. Had a fight with him just now. *sigh* But i guess, i shall write something here.

(I know i'm supposed to post my Shopping Haul post like yesterday, but i'm still lazy..No feel.Only got feel for THIS post.)

Seriously, i can never say it was a fight even. Cause in the end he eventually made me laugh and bought me McDonalds. Yes, it sounds crazy. I feel crazy you know to cry like one stupid girl who lost her precious gem and then laughing again like a little girl who got her chocolate ice cream. He really drives me crazy. I really, honestly, HATED him just now. Like he was a jerk lah. Haish, but he just know the right moves to make me smile again. i know i looked horrible just now after crying so bad. I can still feel the strain in my eyes now after sobbing so hard. But he still said i looked just fine. :")
Shall not elaborate about what happened, but basically, i was just freaking upset that he somewhat did not appreciate or want to spend time with me. So that's about it.

Damn, i hate that i love him so much at times. Seriously.
Even though at times, he really hurts me with his stupid jokes or his idiotic teasing and being all irritating, i know that deep down it's those heart felt pain that will make me miss him if ever he's gonna leave me. Because there's never a single soul that could tease me till i cry and then make me laugh all over again with the lame but cute 'pujuk-ings'. I sometimes hate the fact that i'm fucking sensitive. But i can't help it. I'm just this girl that gets overwhelming eruptions of emotions when words are quite sharp or just rude or just anything that might cut me. See, even my words are just so poetic and full of emotions. I write when feelings are there. I can never write when the mood or feeling is not right.
He's my expressionless idiot boyfriend who always makes me yearn to understand his way of loving me. It's different, hurtful, angryful, happyful, crazyful, stupid fool. Haha.
I just wish he would be hopeless romantic like me, but i guess not everyone's like me...

My twitter seems to be full of my hurt remarks. I was bloody hurt just now. But everything's fine now.
Still loving that boy. Irritating like hell but that's what that makes me know he loves me.
I have my limits too and yes, if loving him too much becomes my weakness and his strength to take things for granted, then i guess it will be actions and not talk only. I hated the 'NATO' he mentioned. It may seems i always say things that contradict my actions, but that's just because i can't bear to hurt him, although i'm the one getting all screwed up at the end of the day. But if i can't hold it any longer, it's sad to say that i might do the things i say. Taking each other for granted is a huge cause of problems, so best avoid IT.

Idk what else to write anymore.
Shall end here then.
Still love him like one mad girl.
10 months and still counting with the irritz boy.
So till here, shall sleep now.
Goodnight. xoxo. :)

Maafkanlah Aku Sayang

2011-11-21T00:57:00.001+08:00

Maafkanlah aku sayang
Sering aku digoda sendu
Kerna kau meninggalkan aku terus terabai
Maafkanlah aku sayang
Jika kekadang ku pinta kasihmu
Tiada niatku membina jurang pertengkaran
Meruntuhkan ketenangan
Membina kegusaran
Tiada niatku untuk berdiam bisu
Hanya kekadang, ku kunci diri
Agar tiada berlarutan kepincangan kita
Selalu maksudku hanya ingin kau terus memujuk
Dengarkan aku kerna aku berpijak pada kenyataan cinta kita
Jangan pernah ada cinta lain dalam hatimu
Kerna tiada tersedik dalam naluri untuk bertukar haluan,
berpaling darimu

Maafkanlah aku sayang,

jika aku nian menyayangi mu...

"Kasihmu beraja di hati...Kasihku bertakhta di jiwa...Guruh di laman umpamanya gurindam, mengusap di hati yang rawan..."

Trust. #ThoseThreeWords It is overrated.

2011-11-17T18:40:00.001+08:00

Trust? Seriously, so it's about trust to allow him meet another girlfriend of his, whose name he doesn't even want to tell me?
I just wonder how many girls out there are like me, getting all agitated hearing that their boyfriend wish to meet their old friend, a girl, just the two of them? I don't really mind if it's in a group. Get my point? Even my closest guy friends stay away from me to avoid complications and he himself, the boyfriend, is inviting complications. And yes, i'm missing the attention when i was single, but this is commitment. I don't even know if i'm commiting for the someone who really deserves me. So be it. Say that i'm this selfish, ruthless girlfriend that does not wish her boyfriend to go out with any girl 'friend'. But 'that' girl, can't she rasionalise situations and think? I mean like if my guy friends are attached, and even if they are the one initiating a meet up (guys are just plain jerk at times), hell no am i gonna meet them, cause i know how it feels to be in the 'girlfriends' shoes. No matter how much your girl might say she's open-minded and understanding, trust me, in herself, she'll be swearing that slut who agreed on going out with her boyfriend. It's a natural thing, and you can never deny it. The first time it happened it blew my top too, now a second time?
And the fact that he wants to 'ask' me, puh-lease, having to make plans, there's decision taking place even before 'asking'.

Sometimes, i just don't understand guys. They say they really don't mind if we wish to go out with another guy in the name of 'friends'. But honestly, what we wish is to have a gentleman who is afraid that that 'friend' might just snatch us away from you without you realising. So tell me about trust. It really doesn't exist for god's sake. And in such situations, it happens for both genders. So an ex is also a friend right? An ex-lover is also a friend right? Oh yes, going out with them would be real fun, who knows things can 'rekindle' again, since the boyfriend doesn't mind and TRUST. :)

Main point is, you don't go around telling me you're going out with just a HER. Yes, 'a', singular, and expect me to be heart-less without any jealousy and trusting, cause trust just don't exist for me for such a context.

Saturday The 13th.

2011-11-13T00:22:00.001+08:00

Today was just awesome. :D
After sooo long, at last i had a date with bff. We went to Peninsula to see Girlhairdo shop and surveyed the hair extensions. The service was just great. People were friendly, and most importantly, i got myself two pretty extensions. And it only cost me around 109 bucks approximately. The owner, Grace was just soo sweet to give me a discount off the second extension. hehe. #immahappygirl Like seriously, how cheap can it get for such good quality extensions. Knowing that it is clip ons, you know you can have it anytime you feel like having a more volumised and longer hair. I wished i knew about this place earlier, so i wouldn't have spent like 150 bucks for those braid on extensions which does not even give me the look that i have for those clip ons, not even close! Plus it's suchha hassle lah those extensions, and at times, the hair quality can be like damn bad that it itches my scalp. Now i really don't have to worry about having this extensions on. So yea..and not forgetting, i went to that Fuji Instax Mini shop again, and as usual, Ryna was the one doing the talking to get discounts for my instax mini films. hehe. And guess what, i got 4 packs of 10 films for only 45 bucks! Cheap or what! And as usual, we camwhored! So yea, lets just let the pictures do the talking, plus a mini vlog to end this post. It's time for me to do mugging. *drinks coffee* But oh well, enjoyed my day. :DD

WARNING: Post will be full of self-photos too. :p

Burger King for dinner after shopping.

We went to smuggle regular awesome fries form Best Fries Forever into Burger King. haha. Ryna got Gusto Garlic and i got myself the Curry Flavour. Portion was alot that these are the left overs.

As usual, we camwhored using my Instax Camera. (Y)

Hahahaha. She so engrossed and focus.

Yeap, us. :))

And that pink mickey mouse lens is just awesome for front photo taking for the Instax!

We're silly in Burger King. I bet people were staring. HAHAHA.

Yeap. This silly. :p

Hehe. Peace!

I'm in love with the extensions lahhhhh. gosh. :DD

It was always me using her Digi Cam camwhoring, and now its her turn. hahaha.

And one more....

And another. :p Rest is gonna be mine. *shoots myself for being vain*

Look how the extensions matched my blonde highlights! In love with the long luscious hair. :DD

See!! Long right! hahaha. My second one more longer than this. Like anime cartoon hair the other one. freaking long! :D

And yeap, more of me. I just can't stop snapping pictures. :p

Nak step fierce, tapi tak menjadi. >.<

The curls! arghh, i wish my natural curls are curly like this! Mad chio lah. (Hair okay!)

Okay last already. I love this photo, and it's all because of the hair. :DD

10.35pm

2011-11-12T00:31:00.001+08:00

10.35pm - He came to make it up to me. Guess what, i was bare faced and at my worst. It feels great that somehow i didn't feel ugly being with him. haha. Plus the mata bengkak and all. Tsk.

Yeap, my ignorance towards him made him realise how much this silly girl has endured all his nonsense at times. Okay, undeniable that he was sweet to just come over to meet me for an hour plus before 11.11.11 ends. :)
I guess everything's fine now, and HAPPY 9 MONTHS AND 40MINS! hehe.

That's for all. My weekend seems brighter now. Gosh, this boy drives me crazy at times. tsk. And for THE FIRST time, he gave me something which i thought was some love letter, but no. A photo of him and a simple note behind. :p

P.S: No matter how much it hurts at times, it's strange that this very heart gives room for you again. ♥

Happy 9 Monthsary...

2011-11-11T21:31:00.001+08:00

I wish i could write how awesome it was today. And how the person who mean the world to me just spent this day with me. But honestly, he has yet to understand me that much. I give my all for this relationship and it hurts me that he would feel that way. I'm not some girl who demands for things and materialistic. All i'm asking for is just spare me some love, care and concern. Just a tiny bit would make me happy. I'm so saddened by the fact that he just wouldn't want to spend time with me as he has nothing for me. So your love isn't something for me? IT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH, BUT YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
I don't know why but i'm just really sad. No one has ever said to me that they were lazy to meet me, that too, on this day. Fair enough. And as a girl, don't expect me to insist on going out. I mean like i have my pride too. I can't always be the one going after you. I've had it once and i'm sick and tired of going after someone like a mad lover. And things just have to go wrong today. It's just great. I'm gonna be in a prolonged sadness again. It's so hard for me to go out now and it's just so easy for him to say he's lazy to meet me. I just don't know what else to say. I just wish he knew how i feel now. :'(
And now, i'm being stubborn not answering his calls and his texts messages. :'(
But i can't bring myself to talk to him already. I feel like i'm crying more often than laughing with him. Why is this so? :'(
*sigh*. Don't i have the right to be angry and sad when i'm treated this way... And so he said that there's still other days to meet..right, absolutely right. So till that other days come, till then i'm never gonna initiate any meetup. It's always me. I guess once and for all, i'm going to hold myself back. There's no point now giving my all, i'm just getting all messed up and hurt. And was i the one who said i was lazy to meet you? Wasn't it all part of teasing you..so again, it is my fault. Been patient with all my might. I'm just hoping my patience will never run dry, cause i really need it to be strong. In time to come, i hope i'll get used to all this so that i'll never get this throbbing ache in my heart. How true can it be that the one that you love most, causes you the most pain. I've got a taste of my own love.

Yesterday will remain as yesterday.
Today will be yesterday and today will never be tomorrow.

Dislikes...

2011-11-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just don't like having to think about something so little. But it's just in me. I think too much till it changes my mood. And one more thing, no comments, no need post on my tag board kay? It's seriously not some advert blog. And don't post merepek stuffs can? Like leaving your name as HAMBURGER and KK. Like seriously?!
I prefer this blog to be just like how berhabuk it is..with no one thinking it exists.
One bad thing about me..when i know some thing's amiss ed, i just wanna know.
Either something's wrong, or it's just me. Either way, i just wanna know.
I guess that's the bad part that every guy has to deal with a girl. Cause we want to know everything. It's just us, naturally, and honestly girls, don't deny.

Morever, i can see myself not exactly at the very strong point in life. People around me are just wrong. I can't say much, but what's happening is all wrong. I want the moments when i was 3 years old. Where all i see are smiles on those faces. Why is it so hard for guys to stick to one and love them forever, seriously?! I've hated men. I honestly have hated these species before and how every act of them towards me disgust me. And now, it's coming back to me. It's not like i'm going to hate on my boyfriend. I'm very much happy with him, but trusting him like a WHOLE 100%, it's hard for me. I just don't know why. Yes, i know that in love, there's got to have trust, but still, you will definitely have that 2.1111% of doubt right? I mean like, don't tell me all girls trust on the one they love like totally. If they do, then polygamy and whatnots will be happening like nobody's business. Why? Cause their wives trust them what. They have another wife also, these wives won't know, cause why? THEY TRUST THEIR HUSBANDS. I really feel there must be mutual trust to a certain extent. And guys, i'm not only saying this just on a bias note. Obviously, once in a while, you gotta check on your girlfriend too. But whole point is, just don't trust anyone 100%...

Hakuna Matata♥

2011-11-04T00:32:00.003+08:00

It's officially holidays for me. Minus the exams of course.

Feels good that i don't have to travel from one end to another. And what's more great is that, it's already November. And how time flies!

In a week's time, it's going to be 11/11/2011. ♥

That marks my 9th month with Luqman Hakim. I've never wanted someone so bad, and i hope he's the last one entering my life and my heart, never leaving again like everyone else.

Soo, there has been complications in this love. Again. IKR. *sigh*

I'm jinxed in relationships and love i guess. One who enters it with me, faces a problem or another. But oh well, it just seems to prove to me who is strong enough to face those obstacles with me, and he seems to be sticking through, unlike others. So i'm thankful and very much happy with what i have now.

You know i love you more. :)

School has been great, and again, i'm in this path of the changing of semester. I'm going to be in sem 2, year 3! Awesome or whuat!! :D

I'm wondering what i should be getting for him this time round for the special date. Although the thought of having both of our necklaces broken, freaks me out. Like you know, orang Melayu cakap it's like the 'petanda tak baik' kind of thing. But, hmm, let's just put it as an accident lah. Hakuna Matata! (means no worries) hehe.

Haha, you guys should seriously watch The Lion King. It was an awesome time with babylove. ♥

So till here. If i rajin tomorrow, i guess i'll go and get my last essay done at Coffee Bean Ehub or just somewhere outside home. Yes, i'm needing that fresh air. Holidays always makes me the 'burung dalam sangkar'.

Prince Charming, release me from the cage, will ya? :p

Luqyaz♥

Guilty

2011-10-30T01:58:00.001+08:00

I keep going back here. :|

I'm currently still struggling with my essay. By far this is the most taxing essay ever.
I can't believe I'm still at it after one whole day cracking my brain. I'm exhausted and am really drained.
Exams are coming and I'm at the very edge of just crumbling down.
Yes, mentally and physically, as well as emotionally. Shoots. I need my Happy Pills.:(
Again, i'm alone tonight. Boyfriend slept already i guess since he didn't reply me after my last text at 11 plus. I miss him alot alot. *sigh*
This always happens. Night comes, i'm alone, and i feel sad. But oh well, i just gotta get used to these things.
I'm lucky twitter is there for me, and now blogger.
Yea, yea, i know, these are just virtuals to rant my stuffs, but i can't always expect people to be there for me every single time. Although i wish to have someone who would stay up with me just like how i always will for them.
They have their lives too, and it does not only revolves around me, so yea, i pretty well understand.
I just miss my baby.
Okay that's all for tonight. The more i blog, the more guilt i have for stopping a minute or two updating this place. haha.
Look, i've already produced a whole chunk of paragraph.
I can do it! Let's go. G.O go! *late night lameness*

Insomnia

2011-10-29T04:07:00.000+08:00

It's nearly 4am and i just can't freaking sleep. Haven't even touch on my essay. oh my...
Something's wrong with me, i know.
But i don't know exactly what.
Something's bothering me.
But i just can't seem to figure it out.
It beats me sometimes.
And i know sighing is bad.
Tonight's a lonely night. It's the weekend, and i only have Sunday to go out and somehow be exposed to 'earth'.
Cause later on, i'm going to be glued infront of microsoft words, typing away like a maniac. Haish.
It's cold, and i feel lonely. I'm layan-ing youtube. First was Hindi songs, then parts of movies, and guess what, now i'm at jiwang songs, and 'Seperti Dulu' by Exists is on repeat mode. Wth?
Boyfriend's out with friends, and it's suchha pity i can never join.
Yarh, yarh, curfew and all, and it's kinda late...Dread strict life sometimes, but oh well, i'm happy with the freedom i have up till this date.
Don't wanna have another uber long post.
When i start typing, i speak nonsense cause i type instantaneously with my blabbering thoughts.
I guess, i shall sleep after publishing this post.
Boyfriend still not home. :(
I think i'm having the severe-missing-him-kinda-syndrome. Thats why.
Okay let's shut up and go to sleep. Gotta wake up early cause mama and ayah going over my cousin's nikah, and i'll have to do all those chore. Sianz. Essay somemore! arghhhh!
ESSAYS, I DREAD YOU. :(

Sidetrack: Got a shock of my life! Haha. My phone just vibrated like shit cause it's my 4am alarm. WTH, i forgot to switch it off! I'm alone, hence for this stupid sidetrack. LOL

Kaykay, shall sleep now..Goodnight!

P.S: I still can't believe i'm blogging again. -.-

Shall end with a pretty photo of myself in a hindi costume. ehem,ehem! hahah. Full of myself and perasan right? I KNOW. Thank you! hehehe. :p
Enjoy the song video i've posted too! :)

Namaste! xoxo.

Untitled

2011-10-26T16:28:00.000+08:00

Half of my day gone.
Drained. I have so much to do, yet i keep staring at my laptop not knowing what to do.
I'm losing my grip to do work and it sucks.
I'm suppose to go out on a movie with mama, but i just can't cause so many things to do, with so little time.
And i'm blogging. What shit is this?
The guilt of wanting to enjoy but you just have work, so, sitting at home makes it better.
Sidetrack, Beribu Sesalan is like in my head playing over and over again.
Addictive.

Right now, i honestly don't know if i'm at wrong for feeling this way. Feeling so irritated but sad at the same time.
I hate it when something happens and people just ignore the fact that i'm hurt, like nothing happened.
It might sound like it's just a small matter, but i don't like the feeling of not being acknowledge. I'm not here for no reason, so don't make me feel like i've been taken for granted.
Crap. I really don't feel like talking to anyone.
Don't feel like texting anyone.
Don't feel like answering any calls.
Period. ~~For a couple of days~~.

Somehow, i just miss my old hair. Black and curly, just decent and innocent. I didn't know I've changed.

Feels like...

2011-10-26T03:29:00.000+08:00

I'm typing again into this place which seems so dusty and full of shattered glasses. It's painful to walk into this space, pricking myself all over again. So much memories, so much that happened. I wish i'm one who is productive in writing and updating this blogger when i'm happy, but turned out, 'this' is the ranting hut. Full of haystacks and bullshits.

It's hard squinting my eyes in darkness and typing away with a runny nose. Not that i'm sick tho'. But whatever.

I don't know why i'm here again. I've forgo this part of my routine, forgo this part of me, just threw it all away. Took only an ounce, perhaps more to actually come crawling back here. Okay, i think i'm spitting nonsense here. Beating around caves and trees and bushes and whatevernots that you can beat about lah.

But main thing, you all know i write when my heart is heavy, just like the clouds, darkening when it's containing water. Perfect metaphor for what i feel.

I can't describe how blessed and happy i am when i feel appreciated. Those 8 long months together. Maybe i'm too fantasizing wanting every moment to feel like the first. It changes, and i shan't expect more.

My mind is like a box with many little boxes in it. Imagine to open a box to find another smaller box in it everyime like there's no ending. Exactly how my mind works. I can hide the deepest thought i have cause i'm just that unpredictable.

I question myself and tries to assure myself. Being in denial just so i wouldn't think bad about him. Assuring myself with things that my mind tells me to make up, and hope everything turns out fine. I hope i'm doing enough to stay put and continue feeling this overwhelming love i have for him cause i know, no matter how much my mind tells me he's not the perfect one for me, my heart says the opposite.

And sometimes, unknowingly, the one closest to your heart, hurts you alot. And that's only because you care so much about them, that little things pricks you.

I don't know if i should say it's a prick now, but i can surely put it is severe pain that just can't be seen but felt.

For so many times i cry for caring too much, for so many times i get hurt for loving too much, it makes me stronger and patient to forget and go on.

Am i the only girl that cries a lot for someone she loves cause at times it hurts?

The saying about 'a man wouldn't make the one he loves tear, cause if he loves her, he wouldn't make her cry,' just don't exists.

Place the mirror in your hands, you'll see your reflection. (Y)

2010-11-30T13:53:00.005+08:00

I thought I would blog something here.

Haiyo, seriously, my blog dah berhabuk giler! LOL

Like you all know, I blog when something is really bothering me and when I really need to get it off my chest. (Y)

It's gonna be a really bitchy post cause some people are just getting on my nerves.

And guess what, it's all about the "famous" social network that everyone has been talking and raving about. Yes, it's Facebook!

Like seriously, everywhere I go, and meet new people, they are all going, "Hey, add me at facebook kay?".

I mean like, no more, "Hey, can we keep in touch, can I have your number?".(not like, I like that freaking line tho'.) -.-

So yea, this post will be about FACEBOOK.

Yes, stupid facebook.

As you all know, my fb was hacked a month ago and how I pestered the whole stupid team to get it back for me..

And how I was damn down and upset about it!

I cursed like fuck!

And then, came along another problem.

Another being i should say, that is just such a pain in the ass.

Honestly, I really feel that Facebook is your personal thing and it is like your diary yknow.

Everything you do, updates, photos and just everything is YOURS TRULY.

Sooo, in other words, it's YOUR rights to have anyone in your Facebook.

I can add, I can accept, I can block or I can even delete, just ANYONE I want.

Don't be suchha sore that i delete you, block you or just choose to ignore your freaking requests.

Seriously, if you wanna say i'm arrogant or whatnots, i'm not affected. :D

Cause, I don't lose anything.

In LIFE, yknow you can never please anyone, so why bother right? (Y) :D

So yea, for whatever reason you wanna be sore about a stupid issue, please place that mirror in your face kay..

If you still don't get it, just think again kay..

Sit one corner and think again.

Think and think and think..

If you still don't get it, CONFIRM, you stupid. haha.

Kay chiaox, bitches. xoxo

:DD

Living a lie or truth?

2010-09-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

I never thought i would blog again, but today i just felt the need to do so.
I don't know if this is going to be uber long cause i really have some issues that i just want to pen down. Haish.
So anyways, i've gone through a so far, a terrible and hurtful break up.
Yes, it was painful that i have made a vow to never, ever date an ITE guy ever again.
It's that bad.
Cause its so common yknow and i can never shove the fact that i have been holding on about these typical guys.
Firstly, they are jerks who never back off even though they know they did the most gravest mistake.
Secondly, their ego overights everything to the extend that they are the ones in the right EVERY single time.
Thirdly, basically, you can never have a proper conversation with content when you talk to them due to the difference in intellectual level.
It's not like i'm saying, they are stupid but rather a polite way?
But whatever, that was what i really had to tahan.
Forthly, maturity. I don't plan my future based only on my wants. I think what is there in life that i CAN achieve and not something that would fall from the sky. People say, maybe give 2 to 3 years for them to mature, but do i have that time to waste?

THE DIFFERENCES.
I know, differences makes us persons or individuals that will appreciate others better, but why live with differences that just eats your hearts out every single day.
I CHOSE to leave it and live my life.
So here i am in this path again.
I know i'm always saying i'm serik but eventually i find myself caught up in another courtship, but trust me, this time round i am really serik and the pain i felt has left me a damn, bloody, ugly scar that will take, perhaps years to heal.
I feel so unlucky to keep getting guys who say they appreciate me but do the otherwise.
Sometimes, i ask myself.
What is it that i lack in me?
But after many times asking, i found my answer.
I HAVE NOTHING WRONG IN ME.
It's just that i've got the wrong guys that can never be pleased with what they have already.
They took me for granted.
I'm nice and i know it.
But what can i do.
I believe in giving chances but yet, these chances i gave, are the ones thats backfiring back at me. So it has to have a FULLSTOP.
I had never, ever met a guy who showed me so much affection but when being triggered in the ego, everything went ugly.
Those things he ever said, suddenly contradicts his actions and it's like a flashback to every moment from the beginning that was all uber sweet.
Merely words of attraction.
I've went through enough and till today i cannot bring myself to accept the fact that the man i used to believe was different from the rest, turns out to be worst than i thought.
Never was i being hurled a bitch and other vulgarities, hence, me in this state when he hurled me those heartbreaking words.
Yarh, it was out of anger.
But still, don't you think before you speak?
I was angry too, but i never once said any foul things to you except jerk(if thats even a darn harsh word, cause every guy is, anyways).
Nevermind that, i was even blamed when what i did was trying to prove something to him.

I know i'm ranting about something that is long over(1 month already, i think), but it keeps torturing my mind when i think of it.
Trying to be nice and feeling all happy that we're 'going' to be friends again does not apply to my life.
What's over is over to me.
No such thing as even being friends. Haish.
I feel that i made the wrong move in accepting after forgiving.
True enough, forgiving is a humble thing to do, but forgetting and accepting again in my life is damn hard.
I maybe perfect for you but sorry to say, you weren't, so having enough of all the thinking, no ties of friendship even cause that would make a gap for a second chance.
Cause it breaks me to very tiny pieces whenever i see you and to know what you are exactly.
I believed you regretted but only a guy who can be called a man would tell the world that ashamed me, that he was in the wrong and not shove the topic saying its already the past when being asked...
That's all i have to say.
I have my ego too and once its sparked, your vulgarities won't hurt cause i know thats just a sign of weakness from you to bring me down.

You've proved me wrong.

2010-08-21T19:57:00.004+08:00

It's all over.
You've shown how shallow you were.
There is no point asking for forgiveness, thinking that you can erase every single vulgarities, harsh comments and hinaan that you hurled at me.
I've had enough and i shall stand up and get back up cause now i know that i've left a jerk for good.
No point come begging at my feet again, by being so sure that i still love you.
Its a big NO. I don't. You don't have to call, text or ever pass by my way.
Thanks for everything, and i forgive you.
But no way are you going to be in my life again.
Goodbye.

Not commited.To blogger.

2010-06-26T21:47:00.005+08:00

Honestly, my blogger is dead..
I just don't find the time and need to blog anymore..
If you all know, i only blog to release my tension, depression or whatsoever..
Writing and penning down my feelings gives loads of help to ease whatever im feeling.
Hence, this post is basically just to fill up that long gap. lol.
Aniways, i don't wish to go through those moments i went through..
I wish to put all of that behind me as my life is moving into the brighter light with special people who are there to always make me smile and laugh. ♥
Things that happened always have its own meaning. All we have to do is accept it and look forward to a brighter solution and move on..
Letting go is still the best to a new life of new acceptance. :)
So yea, my top priority for this year is my upcoming A Levels and of course to my year 3!!!
Gosh i'm excited..and yea, the pay is really tempting lorh..hehe.. xP
Kaylah, i also don't know what else to say..

Btw, to zul, i guess whatever happened between us has made you and me realised something..
You were a friend to me once..and things got really tangled up. I don't want to risk another situation like that happening, hence, i deleted you from msn and blocked you from facebook a few months back.
Im sorry.
We were so comfortable with each other that i was so selfish to not think of your feelings.
Without realising i guess i was leading you.
We're better off as strangers.
I wanna thank you that i'm lucky to have known you before as a friend that was always there whenever i needed someone. :)
Thank you.

Till here..i'll update again when i think i want..
My blog, My say. Bye.. :D

2010-05-21T20:58:00.002+08:00

I don't know why.
I don't really care, but it hurts,
It hurts to know something that really is making me think..
Do guys have to be with bitches to realise who are the good girls?
I guess i've got my answer.
All they want is pleasure, and i guess, i couldnt give them ANYTHING.
But who cares, i know myself better.
But i don't know why i need to care.
Maybe its because i used to share that love that now seems to be disgust for him.
I bet its all true, that as you drift, you'll just see the real him/her.
I care, but what's the point.
In fact, i shouldnt care, like seriously.
Don't know why i feel pity, maybe cause i know what will eventually happen.
But who cares, its none of my business.
I have my love, and my life.
So let me just deal with my own. :)

*I love you, and my past means nothing now, eversince you came to appreciate me, of who i am, as a lady.♥

Updates

2010-05-08T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for abandoning you blogger.
Seriously, i just did not have the energy to update or write anything about my days of live.
But however, i shall say something here.
It's officially holidays for me now!
A month of break to really relax my mind and body for awhile, after the hectic stuffs that has been going on in school.
The hardwork we had for Farewell has finally come to an end.
I honestly felt happy yesterday as the farewell party went very well!
Dance performance was great too i guess.
Everyone enjoyed themselves. :D
However, flu virus is attacking me after sooo long i've not been absent from school because of sickness.
Great timing to fall real sick huh?? hahahs.
But seriously, i'm kinda suffering now!
Urgh, i seriously don't like getting this flu virus cause it just SUCKS!
Nonetheless, i'm a happy girl! How ironic, i know.
I hope i'll be fine by next week, cause i wanna enjoy my holidays okayys! hahahs!

Till here! And wow! So fast in june, imma year two!! woohoo! New year, new resolution, and looking forward (NOT) to my A levels..=.= HAHAH!

Kay shall stop now. BYE. XOXO!

Don't make me cry, now that you've make me happy..♥

2010-04-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

Honestly, from the deepest in my heart, i know this love is so true.
It feels so real, that i am afraid to even think if i am going to lose him.
I've lost those i loved many times, that it makes me sad to think another one whom i've gave my heart and soul, would leave me too.
It's the scared and frightened feeling that keeps haunting me.
I'm just scared and i wish he would be with me every second.
I sound so insecure.
Yes, i am insecure,
and its because of jerks who are just selfish and keeps tearing me apart.
I lost faith in love, but i'm trying my best to gain it back to be with him.
I don't know why i'm crying again after so long, i'm feeling happiness.
He loves me so much and yes, i do feel his crazy love for me, but why do i still feel afraid?
I must be strong and i believe in his love.
I pray to god, he would be the one for me now.
Cause seriously, it feels different to know he's the one.
Insyallah, DIA akan memberkati cinta kita berdua. Amin. ♥

You May Be song - Aladin

2010-04-20T17:11:00.003+08:00

You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one
You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one

You may be
Just a lil bit silly...
a little bit crazy
but baby you're the one

There is no
other girl like you silly...
who is a little crazy
but baby you're the one

i don't love anyone else
i will never love anyone else
if you ask the stars,
i'll pluck them out of the sky for you
you only have to say so
and i'll love you forever

You may be
Just a lil bit silly...
a little bit crazy
but baby you're the one

(instrumentals)

You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one
You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one

(bridge)
All my dreams breathe within your eyes...
Dreams in such bloom that everything else seems dull
This is a new world
And never has before anyone..
loved someone so completely ever.

You may be
Just a lil bit silly...
a little bit crazy
but baby you're the one

i don't love anyone else
i will never love anyone else
if you ask the stars,
i'll pluck them out of the sky for you
you only have to say so
and i'll love you forever

There is no
other girl like you silly...
who is a little crazy
but baby you're the one

You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one
You're the one
You're the one
Baby you're the one

This is extremely sweet! Im addicted to this song..Im sure every girl craves for her 'The One' to do just this..aww..just love the meaningful catchy lyrics..awesomest romantic song! SWEET! ♥
Okay enough, wanna go have a very cool shower and maybe revise for tmr's paper.. :D

Personal

2010-04-17T21:21:00.005+08:00

Seminggu dah pun berlalu.Waktu bergerak begitu pantas.Pejam celik, pejam celik, dah nak masuk tahun kedua.Insyallah, dengan izinnya, dapatlah aku melangkah ke tahun dua.

Sebetulnya, seminggu ini taklah apa-apa sangat pun.Sekadar duduk di rumah, ulangkaji sedikit, itu dan ini. Haish, i don't think i made full use of it.Entah mengapa, diri ini malas.Mungkin sebab tidak ada yang memarahi dan memaksa.hahas!

But aniways, i used this week as a resting week, and i'm going to go through the exams with confidence that i can pass.(Tak belajar, tapi nak pass ekh..lol)
I've got many things that i look forward to after exams.

Going out with

-friends,
-bbq with mates
-Mummy,
-family,
-bestfriend!,
-shopping
-karaoke
-part time bf
-more shopping of clothes
-accessories
-camwhoring
-and just ENJOY! :DDD

These are the things that makes me wanna finish my exams well and just get it off with satisfaction. :D
Okaylah, wish me luck for my exams on Monday!

Mood: Happy! :D/Anxious :/

*I'm just a woman...But that doesn't mean you can take advantage of it..

Kerana makna Ku..

2010-04-10T15:25:00.000+08:00

Mendungkan berlalu
Bagai awan mengandung butiran jernih
Hanyalah gadis
Dengan berjuta makna

Tatapan diri
Tatapan mata
Seandainya benar
Raguilah segala nista
Lantas di mana maknaku ketika kutahu
Dia sudah mengukir nama dalam cerita langit
Langit tak perlu memberiku kisah dengan makna
Kerna cawan serupa lembah penuh air terukir tanpa kata-kata

Kubu kasih dibina
Terus dipertahankan
Tiada sedetik selancang gusar
Kata tersingkap sekadar helaan

Ertian madah tersimpan
Menjadi tanda
Tanda pada kasih penghormatan

Talian tiada talian
Pada persahabatan
Tiada terungkap
Sedia ada
Hanya direnung sang mentari
Kehujanan membatu
Tersingkap seribu makna
Pada kaki langit pada akhir malam .

Sayang ku Sayang

2010-04-05T20:29:00.007+08:00

Okay, i'm going to post this in malay.
Don't ask me why..i just wanna do so.

Hari ini tidak begitu memberangsangkan.
Seperti hari-hari yang lain, saya hanya menatap buku coretan yang tiada tertulis apa-apa.
Tiada gunanya meratap.
Fikiran saya tak seharusnya kusut, tetapi apakan daya, gejolak perasaan terlalu berat dilemparkan.
Semakin hari rasanya semakin kuat debaran hari peperiksaan yang akan tiba dalam masa dua minggu lagi.
Pembentangan bagi PW pula pada hari Khamis.
Haish.
Esok harus siapkan segala yang patut dan berlatih untuk pembentangan tu.
Dah kesuntukan masa pun saya masih belum mulakan ulangkaji.
Entah mengapa, semakin hari, diri ini semakin hilang arah.
Saya seharusnya mulakan ulangkaji dengan secepat mungkin.
Satu minggu cuti yang akan datang akan saya gunakan untuk ulangkaji tanpa henti dari pagi hingga malam.
HARUS!
Sekarang sahaja dah malas. Gosh.
Pulang tadi jam 7 lebih, tapi sampai sekarang masih belum tukar baju dan mandi.
Apa kenalah dengan diri ini yang semakin malas dan bebal mungkin.
TIDAK!
Saya tak mau jatuh dalam kategori 'Bebalisme'.
No way!
Baiklah, akan saya pergi mandi sekarang dan membersihkan diri supaya segar untuk melakukan pekerjaan sekolah.
Apa saya masih terjejas dengan apa yang berlaku?
Ah, tak mungkinlah.
Tapi mungkin hati tak mampu berbohong lagi.
Okaylah, sampai di sini sahajalah celoteh yang tak berfaedah.
Entah apa angin hari ini, ingin sahaja berkongsi coretan harian dalam bahasa Melayu.
Maaflah kalau janggal, biasa juga, murid baru nak belajar. hehe.

Ku coretkan keindahan bahasa,
Untuk tatapan ramai
Seindah bahasa
Indah lagi sang penulis♥

Bunga lebih tahu akan bintang yang juga tahu

2010-04-04T19:07:00.003+08:00

Di mana akan ku letak jiwa ini,
Yang seakan berterbangan
Mencari tempatnya
Hatiku kan senantiasa selamanya
Memuja
Menyintai
Merindui

Kau kekasih
Hilang
Takkan luput di ingatan

Dj-ing experience!

2010-04-02T21:08:00.003+08:00

I hope its not a bit too late to post this..
hahas.
Aniways, had the most wonderful time yesterday at Ria, radio station as a student dj for that one hour show. :D
I was just as much excited as how Ryna was..!
(For more detailed post on our awesome experience and pictures, visit http://www.rynaque.com/)
For those who heard us, i hope we were fairly good and wasn't irritating or something like that..hahas..
Because, one thing for sure, i never knew how i sounded like on air with the headphones on.LOL
But aniways, a good experience it was tho'!
And guess whuat??!!
Oh gosh, i was sooooo happy lah.
Cause yknow what, Nity Baizura actually made me wrote her a simple sajak to be one of her jinggles for that SKOOLZ segment!
She'll be playing that recording for that segment as and when she wants.
Awesome ryte!!
So just stay tuned to hear the jinggle, i hope i didnt sound so bad uhs..LOL. XD

Back to today, im excited to celebrate my dad's birthday!
Got a surprise coming up just for hym at 12 midnight.
hehe. He's going to be 43 this year! Old muchhhh huh? haha.

So yarh, that's about it.♥

Unlucky

2010-03-31T16:30:00.004+08:00

I hate today!
Seriously, i think today is my worst day ever, altho i had many few laughters.
But seriously, guess whuat??!!
I am locked out of my own freaking, bloody, fucking house!
URGH
Its partly my fault cause unluckily,
today is the day that i never brought my keys along.
Fuck ryte. i know.
Now only god knows how long i'm going to sit outside of my house with the rain pouring like nobody's business!
Shit lah!
I hate it when my mum goes out,
and so retardedly unlucky, i never bring house keys.
Crap sia.
I'm so pissed.
And yarh, i need to pee.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
What a bad day.
So time check, 4.34pm.
Been outside of home for 30 mins ardy, with damn mosquitos, happily sucking my blood!!!
Gosh!
i'm sorry for the depressed me, but seriously, i suck!
How can i not bring my keys, and how can i...okay i'll SHUTUP.
or else, these rantings will never end.
Luckily tho', i have my lappy here.
If not, like a dumbo idiotic girl sitting aimlessly outside her own freaking god damn it house.
Kay bye .

Kala itu..

2010-03-28T01:24:00.006+08:00

Ingin ku lelapkan mata
Lelapkan minda yang sering bercelaru
Ku hampa entah mengapa
Apa ianya cinta
Hati kian sayu
Sayu teramat
Hanya puisi dan coretan menyaksikan titisan lembut ini
Mengalir deras di pipi
Mengapa tiada henti kepada kesedihan
Apa hidupku harus dipenuhi kepiluan
Tatkala jelmaan kasih tiba
Diragut semula oleh ombak kasar
Tatkala bayu menerpa jurai ini
Diselak namun tetap tempias
Ku buntu
Malas memikirkan hal hati
Biarlah hidup diteruskan
Dengan hati yang akan aku matikan
Jangan dinodai cinta ini
Kerna semakin hari
Semakin pudar rasanya untuk bangkit semula
Jangan berjumpa jika hati enggan meneruskan
Jangan memberi jika diri tak sanggup kehilangan
Biar kesunyian malam manjadi teman
Teman setia yang membuai rintihanku supaya terlelap jua

Tiada ayat yang hendak ku huraikan
Tiada sayang yang hendak kulayangkan
Jangan kata terus dilafazkan
Kerna kekecewaan akan menyeksakan

Ku kutip rintihan jernih

2010-03-26T17:26:00.003+08:00

Ku sayu tatkala kesedihan menyelinap di hati
Ku kecewa tatkala kecundang menyintainya
Ku pasrah dan terus menanti
Ungkapan kata madah
Masih tertancap dalam minda yang bersih ini
Jiwaku diisi kenangan manis nan pilu
Sepahit hempedu
Ku telan bagai meneguk segelas madu
Mengapa ditangisi pada yang tiada peduli
Namun apakan daya
Ku terperangkap dalam jera
Jera yang tidak membenarkan
Diri henti menyayangi
Mencintai
Aku benar kerana mencintaimu
Tapi kau salah saat kau menyerah begitu sahaja...
Tak sayang, katakan tak
Supaya aku tak termanggu menunggu.

Like . Who cares .

2010-03-24T17:18:00.009+08:00

Excuses in live.
Hardships in friendship.
Heartbrokened in love.
Perseverance in failure.
Fucked up attitude in lost relation.

I cared.
I showed attention.
I guess i was a good friend,
You spoilt it.
Now, not gonna care, coz i DON'T wish to .
I've got enough burden to burden myself with more things.
I did what i could to pull you out of shit and its your life if your ruining.
Not mine.
Attention, care then love huh?
What crap .

Love, love, love.
Who the hell knows what's that .
Its all fucking infatuation .

I know, i'm a bitch to myself.
And i don't care of what people think of me.
You don't determine my future.
Glad it ended .
I don't need you too .

Gerimis hati
Ku gagal
Gagal menilai kelakuan sendiri
Niat tiada
Menghancur harapan yang tidak ku beri
Hanya merindukan bulan yang tidak mungkin dikecapi
Bagai pungguk merindukan bulan
Sayang seribu kali sayang

P.s: Yknow i miss you.♥

I kissed a boy and i liked it .

2010-03-22T10:19:00.002+08:00

I'm not MIA-ing. Just that its hols ysee, and kinda enjoying myself..
I'm in love..hahas. i think..
Okay, off to next cls..wyl update soon.. :D

Bibir mengucap madah
Mulut terkunci bisu
Bayukan menerpa daku
terus dipukul arus cahaya...

I'm happy, you should too..Everyone should. :D

Kerana terluka...

2010-03-13T23:36:00.003+08:00

I just don't know why i'm so angry.
I feel like i'm not myself.
I hate just whatever that has happened.
I can't stop crying thinking bout what happened
and as i type, i'm sobbing like a kid.. :'(
She ruined it, but is it wholely her fault.
I don't know.
It was all fine till she did something that just threw me down the deepest drain.
I'm so upset and just feels that life has been very unfair towards me.
Oh why? :'(
I just can't stand it anymore.
Let me just go away,
away from all this.
Away from people who just thinks wrongly about me.
Away from all problems.
Loved him too much to think that its gone because of circumstances that just keeps coming in our way.
I've had enough.
It's time to stop being weak and nice.
I have to be a bitch for once.
I forgave you but would words heal what you did? :'(
Especially to him who took the blows of those words.. :'(

It's forever...

2010-03-12T22:47:00.006+08:00

March 1 week hols .
Okay, not really interesting cause its only a week,
but its better then nothing tho.
I really need to catch up on that sleepless nights.
I'm distressing tmr.
Just loads have happened and i have to get away from it for a while.
Thinking about it, guess what, i think i can't treat you the way we used to be close.
You're just so disturbed and it sux to be around someone so depressed, cause you just pull everyone around you down. so yea. that's about it.
Just too big a mistake and i'm still grieving and forever wyl .

Sorry.

Ianya lahir tanpa nafas
Hadir tanpa sedar
Ku genggam
Ku pendam
Hanya akan semadi dalam
Rahsia hati...

Andaian pada yang tak mungkin...

2010-03-11T18:40:00.002+08:00

Tika malam menghembuskan nafas
Bayu terasa dingin
Apa nafaskan berkata?
Atau nada gelora akan bernafas
Jika hakikatnya demikian
Berlalulah ia pergi
Andaian bayu,
Pada hakiki cinta
Hanya sekadar sentuhan
Berlarut di tepian 
Dan terus berlarutan

Low moraled bitches .

2010-03-08T21:14:00.003+08:00

Bloody bitch .
Yknow something, i think i shouldn't bother .
It's because of this low moraled bitches, that guys just have little respect towards the now generations of women.
I guess the world is really coming to an end .
Doing my own thing and just observing .

I shall tear up again and just drift away...

2010-03-05T17:00:00.004+08:00

I hate to be in this state.
I've got nowhere to go.
I need to choose, but how do i choose.
How am i suppose to choose.
It's never going to be the same, when both knows.
I'm going to hurt someone by going away.
But by staying, im also cheating myself.
I'll be lying to myself in that relation cause only he will suffer.
And i don't want that to happen.
I can't.
I guess its true, a girl and a boy can never be friends.
Oh god, why can't it be.
And now both ways, its gonna hurt.
I can't.
I just can't be more than that.
Now i feel like just going away...
I'm sorry.. :'(

Oh how do i put this...

2010-03-04T21:01:00.003+08:00

I am so confused to what i'm facing.
My heart is split into two.
One part tells me that i should hold on, whereas the other tells me to just move on.
I don't want to be a selfish person, and what i'm doing now is real selfish.
How do i put this.
I am afraid.
I'm just afraid that the something i'm afraid of, will happen.
And true enough i'm seeing the hints.
I'm sorry as i may seem to not know.
It's because i can't.
Have always liked you as a friend.
Have always cared you as a friend.
And will love you, as a friend.
I'm guilty if ever what i'm afraid of happened.
I'm sorry cause i've hurt you...

2010-03-02T20:00:00.001+08:00

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
'Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole 'in love' thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone, I'm spinnin' 'round
And deep inside my tears I'll drown
I'm losin' grip, what's happenin'?
I strayed from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cause it's hurtin' me to let it go
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more

I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone, I'm spinnin' 'round
And deep inside my tears I'll drown
I'm losin' grip, what's happenin'?
I strayed from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you? I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do, stay away from lovin' you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show, you won't see me cry

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
(You'll never see me cry)

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life

Without you it's hard to survive, I can't let you go...

2010-02-28T20:26:00.000+08:00

Keraguan..

2010-02-26T16:27:00.003+08:00

Kala sepi
Ku termanggu
Termenung jauh merenung entah ke mana

Mengapa diri ini

Titisan yang melimpah ruah
Bisa dijadikan air minuman
Bagi yang selalu dahagakan kasih

Jangan dipeduli rasanya
Kerna keperitan
Kesengsaraan
Tiada bandingannya

Aku pilu
Pilu merintih pada yang tiada peduli

Aku sayu
Sayu pada mereka yang tiada mengerti

Jiwaku hancur
Terhiris sembilu
Engkau yang dulu bagai pelangi indah
Kini pudar warnanya
Maafkan diriku
Kerna kata tidak mengukap kebenaran
Pada hati yang berbicara

Apakan daya
Diri ini insan kerdil
Ada batasnya bagi yang dilontarkan

Aku tak berdaya lagi
Hati bagai digilis tanpa simpati
Aku merintih pada yang tak sudi
Aku dikecam oleh yang keji
Dugaan apa yang kau beri
Hanya insan kerdil yang kau seksa

Batinku menjerit
Menjerit sekuat-kuatnya
Usah
Aku akan pergi
Membukamkan rasa ini sendirian...

The worst feeling ever is not knowing whether you should wait or give up....

2010-02-23T14:56:00.003+08:00

Kau.. tak kan
tak kan selamanya
dengan dirimu

Kau.. pasti
dilanda rindu
tanpa diriku

Mengapa..tak berjalan?
Malas?!
Sementara kau dan aku terlanjur satu

Kau benci
Apa salahnya mencintaimu?
Keadaan tak mengijinkan
sementara kau dan aku terlanjur satu

Apa harus sadar
cinta terlarang antara kita
Kau dan aku bahagia
Mengapa tiada yang bisa terima

Jika nanti datang
perpisahan yang aku takutkan
Ketahuilah bahwa
ku mencintaimu diatas cinta

Tak ada
yang mengalahkan kekuatan cinta

Apa harus sadar
cinta terlarang antara kita
Kau dan aku bahagia
Mengapa tiada yang bisa terima

Jika nanti datang
perpisahan yang aku takutkan
Ketahuilah bahwa
ku mencintaimu diatas cinta

Love story .

2010-02-17T22:02:00.004+08:00

Story about love.
A very special love story since it's Valentines week.
So here it goes.

Used to love with all her heart and how she felt like she was the luckiest girl in the world.
She loved a man.
Someone who was not 'foolish', to her.
She knew many guys, but all had the same kinda character and she grew bored after getting hurt time after time. . .
He came, entering into her life, just so unexpectedly.
Secretly, both had been keeping those sacred feelings and little did they know, God had planned something for them.

And so the love story began...

She loved him, and all was well and sweet.
Never crossed her mind that he would leave as it seems so real that he would stay...
Every little thing made her day.
Every face she saw, was only his in her eyes.
She dreams about him every single second.
Smiling like an idiot when she keeps thinking bout him.
She never knew if he had ever been the way she was.
And so, the happy girl had her happiest moment of her live with someone so special with her.
Laughing, talking and all they could do.
Love story has got to have a 'Happy Ending', and thus, it's only fair if it happened.
Sadly, sadness was all she would have.
Grieving as to where it has gone.
Those abrubt changes..
Those changes.
Oh my, she suffered so terribly, that all she could do was cry every night in her sleep.
Tears were her bestfriend, when she missed him.
She would wanna hug him and never let him go as all she could do was hold on to hopes filled with uncertainties.
She kept talking to herself, asking all those ' what if ', ' I should have ' questions so that everything would be alright.
But, envy eyes were always out to kill, and so they killed him.
Killed him so badly, that she suffered the consequences.

So when enough will be enough, so those words were said....

Tremendous pain sears in those tiny heart that was over filled with love for him.
Why does good things have to end?
And so she didn't know.
He left her with a thousands of questions.
She died but not her love.
She lost herself to that love battle which left her with no choice but to continue loving, eventhough she knows, he'll never come back.
She still hopes he would, with every inch of her faith thats left.
He cared. Yes, he cared so much.
He cared her and just killed himself with silence just so the girl would forget about him and move on with her life.
He knew, yes he knew.
He knew he would ruin the girl's life if ever those eyes come watching and seeking.
And so he left her with doubts to fill those broken heart.
Left her with no words of goodbyes.
Left her stranded in his heart not knowing the truth.
Left her with sorrows as companionship.
And left her with no explainations as what she did was wrong.
Injustice to love,
To her.
How can ever the guy think he's doing a favour for the girl?
It's hard to say, cause the girl never knew and was never reassured if ever, the guy had loved her, the way she did.
And so the love story has no ending, and She just keeps waiting, if ever He would come back and sweep her of her feet,
As she's crippled by the searing pain that just won't stop killing her everytime she opens her swollen eyes to a bright yet dull day of her life....
She needs him...

Why..

2010-02-15T17:50:00.002+08:00

Why. i don't know. very shitty and crappy. watever again i'm lost. what the hell went wrong. i don 't think its me. its you. how am i suppose to understand. where do i stand. i'm rubbish right. i'm a piece of shit what. no meaning. meaningless. can dump me when you don't need already. i'm so in love with you. i cannot forget you. i cannot eat. cannot sleep. cannot do homework but just stare at ceiling for god damn hours. i can't be bothered to type properly. so strain your eyes and figure out what has happened to me. i'm going crazy. my mistake. my mistake. my mistake to fall in love with someone like you. i should know where i stand. i'm a nobody. i must be the most stupid girl. to actually think you would fall for me. lol. urgh. ignore. avoid. do watever you want. but i'm still loving you. stupid right. i know. why. i also don't have the fucking answer. why love. why not hate. i don't know. i want to cut that heart open to get my answers. what for. he'll die right. oh my god. i sound bloody insane. see what you've done. im typing aimlessly and not knowing what should be done. a moment ago you were fine. then not fine. then fine again. then not. fine. not. fine. not. WTH. where. im stuck. oh god it sux to be me. sometimes okay. not okay. okay. not okay. how. to. understand. what the hell. no point thinking bout the past. reli no use. its nothing already. why go out if you want to end it this way. why give me hopes when you're gonna shatter it. fuck lah. i cannot bloody stop crying. cry. cry. cry. cry. shit. shit. shit. okay just shit. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. Please don't do this. don't. can kill me if you want. but don't go silent. oh god. i did something wrong is it. what. when. how. i love you. i hate you. and i know you hate me right. i'm hanging. you hanged me. do you even loved me. have you ever. it's gone. just like that. why. do i deserve these. is it wrong to love. is it. why. see just how many whys in me. you left. why. you killed me. why. you left me stranded. why. you don't want to talk. why. why. why. crap lah. i want to stop. just stop crying. it sux. stupid me. foolish me. so foolish. cos im loving you. i should not have loved you. i should stop. like now. whatever. i'm out of your heart. out of everything. your life. your everything. oh god. what the hell. im ranting. never ending rantings. you guys are bored. but i still have loads to say. come back. please. sad. a hug. a kiss. a warm touch. never meant a thing at all. kay bye.
It's stupid. It's me.

Terlanjur menyintaimu...

2010-02-14T12:03:00.001+08:00

What's wrong?

2010-02-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together. Justifying what could've, should've, would've happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.

It's really late and i'm lost.
I'm totally lost as to where am i going to.
My life, my feelings..
It's all soo distorted.
Why do i have to face these things.
Just when i've learned to get up,
I'm crushed again..
I've let myself drown in a bucket af tears for hours.
Waiting, and waiting, and forever waiting...
Oh why do you have to do this to me?
What wrong have i done...
I don't know you anymore..
I feel like in a glimpse of time,
You've changed..
Just like the breeze which only knows how to whisper the sounds of winds,
Yet unable to convey any real message
It's hard to understand,
Figuring every littlest things you do or say..
I'm trapped..
I feel like the kite that you used to hold onto the end of the string,
But now, you let me go,
And im blown away following through the winds...
I need answers..
And again you left me hanging....
Why does things have to be so difficult.
is it so hard to say that perhaps,
Your feelings has fade?
Is it?
I know it's going to hurt,
But it hurts more with every inch of your silence..
Why, oh why..? :'(
Those tears were never dry, even when i dried it..
I'm so sorry.

To all, Happy Valentines Day, and Happy CNY...

It's hard.. :'(

2010-01-18T19:43:00.000+08:00

Through the flood of crowded people
After looking at the long awaited figure
It was possible to play out the fate we've encountered
The miracle is embraced closely
You may be damaged,
It may be painful
You have to believe in today.

Though the struggle is agonizing
In this love story,
An invisible tomorrow is spelling out
I want to be by your side only
Do not hesitate.

Your voice remains in my ear
Remembering my closed eyelids
Becoming impatiently weary if somebody's hurt
Your smile and gentle words hit my chest
I want to forget this

Though the struggle is agonizing in this love story,
If you end without stopping
Our hearts stay locked
Unfulfilled love must not awaken

If your feelings are revealed
The rest is unnecessary
Honestly, I cried like a child
While wide awake in your hands

Though the struggle is agonizing in this love story,
I want to listen to your voice again
Even if I'm not reaching far away
Do not hesitate.

An invisible tomorrow is spelling out
I want to be by your side only
Someday the two of us,
If the real face becomes intertwined,
I'll hold you tightly close to me .

Masinnya laut...

2010-01-17T16:05:00.000+08:00

Titisan itu
Apa maksudnya
Habis kering walau tetap mencurah
Kegelisahan
Keresahan
Kebingungan

Laut tetap masin
Akan senantiasa masin
Walau titisan mencurah
Terbentuk lautan luas
Semakin deras

Kehangatan mentari
Kini mengukir senyuman
Tatkala senja tiba
Seperti melayang
Mengikut arus fikiran
Si gelombang lautan...

Kapal akan berlayar
Terus ditiup sang bayu
Dan lautan menjadi saksi
Pelayarannya...

Usahlah...

2010-01-16T14:44:00.000+08:00

Sang Hitam
Pendusta cerita
Tertancap dalam diri,
jiwa dan raga.

Keluputan tiada bagi sang hitam
Penguasa seluruh minda
Kemanisan di bibir sering terucap
Segaris senyuman sering terukir
Lenyap dan terus ditelan

Kolobri janganlah diusik
Kecil di mata
Berlainan di hati
Tampaknya indah menawan
Timbul rasa ingin membelai
Habis dibelai
Dibuang sahaja begitu
Kasar dibelai
Matilah pula...

My say..

2010-01-12T20:09:00.007+08:00

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone.. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Tasavvur Men Hain Kiskii Parchhaa'iyaan ....

Mujhse Ishq Le Jaa Rahaa Hai Kahaan .....

I think i am...shit .

Flaws, makes perfect human...

2010-01-10T12:44:00.004+08:00

I'm fugly .

You wanna know why?

That's cause,

I have eyes, thats just too large for my face .

I have a nose that is practically improportionate

to my face .

I also have a smile that just creates those holes in my cheecks .

And that are those not needed dimples .

Many said that dimples appear or created when someone smiles, cause they have fat cheecks .

So yea, i do have fat cheecks, that just won't go away .

If you think i'm thin,

that's absolutely nonsense, cause i have

a tyre around my belly, that i have to carry without much effort tho .

BUT, it's hideous .

But then again, these are those littlest things that make me realise, i'm not perfect .

I'm just ...

¡Mþ€rf€çt£¥ ß€åût¡Fü£♥...

Sayang aku ingin berbicara kepadamu♥

2010-01-09T18:15:00.005+08:00

I'm elated~!

It's like there's this shining star, so bright!

I was at the other end of the darkest room,

and i just see that shine that makes my eyes blink.

A surge of happiness creeps in me, and i feel so good.

But, i just wonder, what exactly is that star?

I have doubts in myself if it's worth going towards that shining thing, but when i ask myself..

"i've been in a dark room for too long, it won't hurt to know how it feels to be in such a bright room..."

So yea, i'm styl walking towards that light, it's gonna take quite sometime, coz,

I have just begin to allow myself to walk through it alone, alongside with no torchlight .

Okay, ignore the first part if you don't undrstand coz it's utterly metaphored..LOL

3 major teories down. awesome ryte! XD

Guess whuat!!?

I've been listening to a song for over 100 times already, and styl not bored of it.

Seriously, its literally that much, coz i put it in repeat mode as i do my work, and while i sing to it, until i get all the lyrics perfect! hahas!

This is the song( Takkan Pisah by Erin):

enjoy! ♥♥♥

Lirik Eren - Takkan Pisah :
sayang aku ingin berbicara kepadamu
tentang apa yang tengah aku rasakan
ada apa, ada apa katakanlah semuanya
ku kan dengarkan duhai cintaku

bila nanti orang tuamu meridhoi dengan
apa yang ku rasakan padamu
semua orang tua ingin yang terbaik untuk anaknya
begitu pun orang tuaku

kau takkan tinggalkanku
takkan pernah, sayangku
janjimu janjiku untukmu

reff:
takkan ada yang pisahkan kita
sekali pun kau telah tiada
akan ku pastikan
ku kan memeluk menciummu di surga

jangan kau pergi tinggalkan aku
bawa aku ke mana kau mau
janji ku padamu
jiwa dan ragaku mati pun ku mau

repeat reff:

Call me 'That Girl'...

2010-01-08T18:29:00.004+08:00

Urgh .

Just got back from interviewing ITE students .

AND GOSH! You seriously don't wanna know how i felt .

It seriously wasn't an easy task..

We had to 'tebalkan' our faces and go around them, like stalking gitu..

Den they'll give us the look like,

"Ay, that girl following us uhs", and then smirking.

( It's either they think they are soo handsome that we're looking at them, or they think we're checking them out. =.=)

AWESOME project, NOT!

I hate tailing guys, and since ITE has many guys then girls, we're just left with no choice. haish.

But however, most ITE girls are more friendly. They are more willing to be interviewd and its much more easier for me to talk to them lorh. And most imptly, they aren't SOO tall..hahahs!

I hate it when i have to tip toe a lil to get that mic near their mouth to get the clear convo. urgh!

This is like the worst project altho it seems easy.

(just record people talk mah)

But styl, i'm glad i have finished for the ITE part. So yay~!♥

Okay, im styl not wangi..Stinking like a garbage here, and i'm just so lazy want to bathe..feel like want to sleep jer..zzzzzz..

Kay, so not right to procrastinate on bathing..LOL.

So till here uhs, nothing muchh to talk about..

IM JUST TIRED .

(tell me if walking on a 2 inch wedge around Tampines Mall, Tampines 1, Century Square, or should i say every pelosok of Tampines for about gazillion times, NOT tiring? I think people there pun dah kenal muke kite yang dah macam poster, tawaf tuu tempat berjuta kali...=.=)

Kay Bye .

xoxo. =)

♥

PS: I want to be as shining as the star..hahahs kay stupidly random . BYE!

Fuck face .

2010-01-06T21:35:00.004+08:00

I'm angry .

And i dunnoe why .

I think i'm having emotional issues, or WORST, turning into someone psycho .

Or i think my hormones are going bonkers .

I just swear alott these dayys, and it's soo not me!

Fuck lah .

Kay whatever .

I just hate that bridge that connects the 'mat' world and the 'arrogant' world.

Stand there like some dumb girl with the fuck-face, or more polite way,

Sympathetic look .

"What stare, stare? I owe you money meh? I know lah i pretty, but no need to look until your bloody eyes can just be hanging out of your damn eyes right??"

My lyf is so fucked up.

I guess i know what's the perfect New Year resolution for myself and that is to get out of my so fucked up life.

Kay bye .

*Word of the day, fuck.

I'm not sweet .

I'm not girly .

I'm not nice .

Just don't hate me, cause yknow i'm hating you more . =)

Interview, interview, and more interviewww...=.=

2010-01-05T21:44:00.004+08:00

First of all,

i just wanna sayy a Happy New start to school to everyone .

(i know ain't something you look forward to, but hell, it's a must to attend...)

So aniwayys, first day of school in Semester Two ain't that bad tho'.

Projects were extended, the dateline i meant, so like a BIG 'PHEW' to myself..hees.XD

I knew that not everyone will finish it one lorh. Damn much and so big to handle..

So muchh of me doing it at the very day before school but still not the one very behind time..WOOTS~!

Okays, moving on, from the very muchh prasan me just now, i'm actually enjoying doing interviews and all that for my project. Really, i feel that i can be some sales promoter ardy, or some credit card promoter thingy..(yknow those that comes up to you t

o tell you more bout their credit cards and stuffs..LOL)

I want to STOP procrastinating .

New year, New me?

hahahs..so muchh for New Year lorh. =.=

Kay fine, i think thats all.

Nothing interesting, just my typical rantings..LOL.

I lovee myself and i know you do too..hahas..

Kay chiaox, wanna go do my assignment ardy, yang BERTIMBUN! XDDD

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T00:25:00.009+08:00

Sempena New Year,i dun reli have muchh to talk about,but i reli hope my new year is gonna be a fulfilling one,where i get and will able to achieve what i want. :D

So aniwayys,i went out with Ryna just now and we did a whole lotttt of interview..

Damn tired lorh repeat the same five questions to like more then 20 children. Guess whuat??

The children spoke sooo softly lah, that now im having difficulty

doing my speech typing..pffft!!

But nvm.

I also would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends (who must have thought i am a weirdo,coz i call am suddenly to interview them, asking weird ques..LOL) who helped me in this interview..

Thanks many,many! XDD

Aniway,im on Facebook right now,n seriously, im kinda shock to see 5 messages in my INBOX! (thats because i nvr get that many..=.=)

So anyway, i was talking bout the messages..

I dunnoe who dis guy is but he's damn DESPO!!

Have a look at this and tell me if you think he is . (its abit small..mls wanna edit.)

Lyk WTH lorh.

He send me this for godamn five times.

So muchh for lovee huh,when he saw my pics.=.=

ha ha ha.

Kaylah,enuf ardy,im tired. i think i'll do all my project tmr.

But seriously, a pat for me coz i finished Cg Pitch's project in a dayy mannn!! :DDD

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment .

2009-12-29T23:56:00.006+08:00

Here’s to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life , only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going.

The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend” one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we we ‘re stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again.

We started this out thinking we would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days.

Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated. Here’s for the ones who did their hair and makeup & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder “what if”. This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it.

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that ” things were going too fast, he needs time “. Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again.

This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an ” I told you so “. The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake by ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here’s for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here’s for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here are for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When ‘your song’ comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the hell he was.

Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to. One day you’ll find a guy, who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It’s going to hurt like hell, & it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Hitam dan putih...

2009-12-14T16:53:00.005+08:00

Lemah,

Tak mahu lagi disakiti

Engkau masa lampauku

Jiwa raga diracuni

Cintamu

Kini kau hilang

Luput dari ingatan

Dari khayalan

Dari jiwaku

Hanya kepedihan tertusuk di hati

Kini hati yang terkubur

Kembali berputik

Dengan kehadiran

Sedikit sirna..

Namun apa aku bersedia untuk ini?

Apa mudah mengulangi segalanya?

Aku tak mahu dipatah

Diguris

Ditikam lagi

Kerna terluka oleh cintanya..

Aku yang kandas dan patah hati....

2009-12-13T18:11:00.001+08:00

Agnes Monica Lyrics

With mummy..♥

2009-12-13T17:21:00.004+08:00

Feeling better..XD

Okay,i guess i have this problem of jumping into conclusions..LOL

And i just wanna say sorry again..you know who you are.=)

So yea..

Niway,currently blogging at White Sand's Library as mummy is reading magazines here..

Gawd i have to blog fast,cause my prepaid balance is decreasing with every minute..hahah.

Im actually supposed to go for a picnic with my cuzzie and her fam together with my family,but too bad...

Got cancelled cause mum got so fed up waiting for this 'Bintang Karat' people..(not lyk im not..haha..but i always do keep up to my tyming tho')

Ouh yarh did i mention bout our very filling lunch..haha.

Okay,i had so called 'lunch'(which is at 4..XD), at the new food place, Mad Jack..

It's an awesome place altho the food is rather pricey...but its okay,once in a while..

And furthermore, i pay whuat..so my mum of cause nak..hahas..

Had Salmon, and my mum some Nasi Lemak that has fish that is like 'Fish n Chips'..

Yea, i noe,eat at a restaurant but go order 'Nasi Lemak'..LOL..XP.

I guess gonna chill here in the library and buy my bro's school shoes later on..=)

That's all for today then..

I was planning to do a vlog,but i guess i'll do it next time den..

Tata! ♥

Movie dayy out..=)

2009-12-11T15:24:00.002+08:00

PLANET 51!!!

This cartoon is like sooo nice,and i can say dat it is damn funny..

Had a great day with my family watching it,ecxept dat dad was not with us.

I hope CCF would treat us to some other nice movies..

After this,watching 'Couples Retreat, at The Cathay with my bestie at 7.15

Guess what?! She won a pair of tix agn..hehe

so total,i'm watching two movies in a dayy..

awesome right!!

I dunnoe why,but suddenly,watching movies is lyk my reading now..~!

Coz it's getting very often!..hahas!

okaylah..till here..wanna have girl talk n catch up with my bestie,tata.=)

P.S. : At Mac,Plaza Singapura^^

And here i burned..

2009-12-10T15:59:00.002+08:00

As you watch me fall..

2009-12-08T14:29:00.004+08:00

So at last.

T-shirt is done..All printed,just waiting to be issued tomorrow for the amazing race..

Thinking bout it, somehow,it's one thing that's making me smile..

Just imagine,ur design is being worn by ur fellow friends and senior for an occasion..cool or whuat?! hahas. XD

I just got bck from collecting it with Syahirah.

Anyway,going out with my bestie later on. Supposedly,we're suppose to watch 'Case 39',but change of plans..

She won a pair of tix to watch 'Princess and the frog'.So yea..we'll be watching that ltr at Iluma.

Nothing much has been happening except for the part that i am crushing.XP.

Dunnoe if it is even going anywhere..Let's just see what happen next..

So yea..Till here denn..Tata..=)

I can curse.

2009-12-06T18:03:00.003+08:00

I'm angry inside.

Within me, is a girl, who just wants to scream and shout and just curse those she hates.

But the lady in her, is stopping it with all her efforts.

I'm sick.

I'm tired.

Why is life so full of dramas,

hatred,

jealousy,

AND lies?!

When you're close,

everything seems so good,

but when you're distanced,

all the bad things starts to show.

And that's when,

you'll start to hate that person for dragging you in.

That's exactly what i feel.

And i can't stop this hatred from growing.

Used to be love that's growing,

but not anymore.

Just disgust.

Plain hatred, that can never be resolved.

I sound so cold.

I sound so harsh.

but the coldness i felt.

The harshness i faced,

was incomparable to what you did.

I ~~hate~~ you.(now).

Its foolish of me(!)

2009-12-04T14:57:00.002+08:00

I am just being stupid.

I should stop and start allowing people to enter my life and love me.

I should.

And i guess, i am being selfish to those who needs a chance from me.

Damn those jerks who slam that door of my heart again and again.

Perhaps, it should make me numb, to go through it with no more pain.

YES!

Full Stop .

EDWARD CULLEN!!

2009-12-03T18:14:00.003+08:00

AWESOME MOVIE!

Okayy,just got back from watching The twilight saga,new moon..damn. it was awesome..~!

(we're lyk e first batch to watch the movie at ehub..awesome-nessss!)

Seriously,the movie was kinda sad seyhh..i teared up lyk at many parts of it..

A reli 'must see' movie..

Had a shock of my life~!(okay exagerated)

i saw Haikal..LOl..was like,errr,i shud sayy hye..hahas..nnn i did..LOL..
Seriously,my cuz was soo annoying,teasing me and asking who dat was..hahah!

Okay wateva..im tired..just wanna fb now.

Niwayy,i wanna watch the movie lyk again!!!

I ♥♥♥♥♥ him..so cutee ryte..

(niwayy,i dun get it why pple favour Jacob more..LOL! i styl prefer this hotty..hahaahs!)

When boredom strikes...

2009-11-28T14:23:00.003+08:00

When boredom strikes...

I'm seriously bored. Okay,just bored for the moment..Going out soon to accompany my mum buy some groceries..

Anyway,just wanna update bout somethings..

I got an invitation to be a freelance model a couple of dayys back..but guess what..dad spoilt it all..

i know the rules and regulations of my school..i know it doesn't allow partime job, but freelance modelling ain't partime thingy..

There's a year 3 student taking up the freelance modelling thingy.i'm kinda pissed,cause it's like an opportunity for me..wanted to go for the interview so badly..haishh..

nvm. i guess i'll go to the agency with my mum next time. shutup.

ouh yarh,guess this is a lil 'basi' but i still wanna talk about it.

Watched 2012 and PA somedayys past.

Seriously speaking,PA wasnt THAT scary lorh. It didnt even make me jump outa my seat or anitin like that..hahaah!

BUT! 2012 was awesome. LIKE SERIOUSLY! effects was cool. and i was like at the edge of my seat watching it. XD. (wanna watch Alvin and chipmunks thingy!! girlfriends were soooo CUTEE!)

Adding on, just wanna wish my cuzzie congrats,fer her good PSLE results..(she scored e same aggregate as me seyhh..hees XD)

However, on a sad note..I still love you adeq, and will try my very best to help you. If i have to sacrifice a few minutes just to send you to school, i don't mind being late to school everyday.

Life's been tough for you with many 'cubaan' but still we were all in this together.

It's okay. Not all are clever in academics, perhaps you're better off without academics but skills for employment. =)

Okay chiaox!♥

Rain,rain go away..

2009-11-15T17:15:00.005+08:00

"It's raining,It's pouring.."

*sings*

Okayys! It's Sunday today and im practically doing my project!(actually,part of my time browsing facebook,just 1% on project!) LOL

Im hell one of a procastrinator. Gawd, im so going to be DEAD if this attitude continues. O's still can be accepted lahh ekh..hahahs!

Anyways, it's raining cats and dogs mann..like damn heavy laa..i can hear every single raindrop from where im sitting..(actually not too far,just beside the window pane..haha!)

You tell me,how to spend time with my peeps and plan a decent outing when it's raining like nobody's business??

But on the other hand, i feel like going out to the beach and like old times with my friends(used to be close), and playing in the rain and getting ourselves drenched from head to toe! XD

Gosh,i can literally taste the raindrops that is coming from the outside splashing on my face(imagine how heavy it is.)!

Yesterday, was a fun dayy out with my aunt, mum, n cuzzie,not forgetting my lil sis n bro.

"Tampines are for mats and minahs"

Thats what some typical "anti mats and minahs" sayys. But hey, Tampines is really a great place to eat and go shopping!!

Had my dinner at Rasa 21. Awesome! never tasted hokkien mee as tasty as there..was my first time eating there. Ouh yarh,then we chilled and 'borak-borak' at Mcdonalds.

And one disgusting thing happened!

we actually saw a huge,big,enormous,and FAT mouse(or should i say RAT!)!!! EWWW!! i literally jumped and shrieked!

How can a pest like that be at a fast food restraunt. How DISGUSTING!

Looking at this just makes my hair stand! urgh!

Im having plans on Tuesday with them again to watch Paranormal Activity..But im not too sure if there is like any age limit thingy..who knows its M18 or something..Im only 17,saded.

It's okay,i'll check it out.

I guess i better continue doing this plain vanilla project...=.=

Chiaox! XD

On a random note: I have this fetish for Pretty Boys and idk why..LOL! XP

Hooray-day!

2009-11-10T14:50:00.005+08:00

Holidayy!

So here comes my end of year holiday!

However,it ain't gonna be as free as how holidays should be..=.=

Boring huh,holiday also got loads to do,but yea,shouldn't complain.

It's part of my life to burn and drown myself with projects..

Soon enough,nxt year is my second semester.

Time flies really fast and im seeing myself through half of my first year!

Anyway, i kinda hate holidays too.

Cause it'll mean i'll have lesser time with my friends to be distracted of my own feelings.

If im in school im always occupied to even think and feel that pain. so it sux.

But it's okay. I've been consoling myself that, i wanna be postive!! :D

Who cares about relationships,right? Im only 17,future's bright ahead!

Anyway, i somehow feel that,(its abit lame here coz im blabbing my thoughts..haha!)

Sometimes to love someone,

Doesn't mean you have to be with him..=)

And i guess, i can still keep loving him as long as i want,

Even i know it'll never be returned again...

Too much sweet memories to even hate him..LOL

I know it's STUPID,(as how you guys put it),

But hey,it can't be helped ysee..

Perhaps, over time it'll fade,idk.

So yea,tts all..planning to have a dayy out with my peeps someday next week.. :D

This song goes out to you lovers who still holds on to that last thread of hope..hahahs!

Enjoy! ! !♥♥♥

Todavia le amo...

2009-10-31T16:46:00.003+08:00

Gotta scream!!

Im missing him and i think im going crazy. urgh!!

kay i shud shutup!

niwayys, congrats to Cikgu Yazid for winning the GoldenPoint Award.. :D

and not fergetting Jailani oso who came in second fer the same cerpan award.. :D

lazy want to upload photos here..its all in FB so checkit out there aye.. :))

yay! tonite at 11.17 pm is pay day!!

We're so going to karaoke at town area i assume after the penyampaian hadiah at Arts House tomorrow!

Woohoo,got to look fab tomorrow evening for the prize presentation..hehe..:P(mimi is sure gonna be there..hees!!)

im soo excited,sumhow,this is keeping me alive,for a moment.~!

Projects due like end of this coming week,so gotta chiong this week..

OFFICIALLY hol's yesterdayy,,,but,but,but,got school on Monday! argh!

i hope tts gonna be the oni day we've to come bck..

ouh yarh!! i passed my GP! its lyk really a surprise lah,since i've no background on GP.

Still waiting anxiously for all my Sastera subjects results..altho i tink i screwed my last sastera paper.damn.

Aniway,i sumhow feel that ryna is lyk angry at me coz i didnt follow her to collect the movie tix..

IM RELI SORRY BABE! :((

i just had a swimming session aftr sch dat day,i noee it was last minute,but reli im sorry.. :)

okaylah,i'll stop here.. BYE! :))

sgdefqfgehv!!!

2009-10-27T22:21:00.003+08:00

Awesome-tiring week!

Okay,first of all, i just wanna sayy tt Writer's Festival was damn awesome.. A big pat to everyone involve..! All those practices was paid off nnn it was all over at last on the 25th Oct.. The nervousness,tension nnn stress,all relieved,PHEW!

Ouh yarh,thx mama for coming down nnn watching my performance!(tak fair seyhh,her face was out on television but not the other performers *including me*,hehe!) but my mum was sooo cutee laa! She was like, " Ay, mama nyer muka kluar kat TV laaaaa!!! " *starts smiling widely*..LOL(typical lovely mums!)

Im kinda happy plus sad nnn hampa at the same time that despite my painting tt i sent for Graftera Competition, had won first,but it got disqualified on the dayy it was supposed to be displayed... :(( (if not dhh dpt $300 seyhh of prize money,just bcoz the plastic reflected soooo much LIGHT that it can't possibly be displayed..sooo sadly no first position..saded..)

Aniwayys, congrats to Hairani nnn Ilham who got the following second and third positions.. :)))

But, im styl happy, coz my painting wyl be a gift to the Guest-of-Honour,owner of 77th street!! Cool kan!! (muchh prasan here..hehe)

NNN i'll be the one giving it,so like got recognition gitu laa..okayy laa jugak..best taw..hehe!

If ade opportunity on arts,i'll surely wanna take it!

Kay tts all i guess..just a part of my happiness nnn whinings to be shared..lol..
Post exam activity tmr..

Hope it's gonna be funn..! *yawns*

(im like styl unchanged,butt glued to comp seat,stinking!! hahahs! unlikely of me kan..hahas..kay wateva,SHUTUP WANI!! BYE!)

Naluri Gadis....

2009-10-17T13:23:00.004+08:00

Naluri Gadis....

Diri ini
Hanya aku yang berhak
Namun, mengapa masih bertanya
Siapa diri ini?

Kebisuan
Aku lemparkan
Aku kehilangan bicara
Tapi engkau tak ambil peduli
apatah lagi menyapa

Kesepian
Kepedihan
engkau beri tatkala
meninggalkan ruang hati
Terpendam segalanya dalam
kebisuan

Tiada yang mengerti
keperibadian
kesucian
Maruah
Harga diri
Seorang gadis!

Semarak nafsu
Hanya itu menjadi kejaran!
Apa maruah seorang Gadis
tidak lagi dipandang
dinilai
dihormati?

Kian tersingkap
jendela kerinduan
tetap mendakap

Kematian pada kehidupan
Entah mengapa
Kebisuanku
Seperti tanda Kematian
Ku ingin kata-kata
Kata-kata yang pernah dahulunya
Membakar jiwa

Kemaafan
Telah terang dipancarkan
Hanya kegelitaan maksud tersirat
Aku ingini

Berikanlah cahaya
Walau sedikit manapun...

Berperang dengan curiga di firasatku;
Andai kau kembali merawat hati rindu

Up,up,updates...

2009-10-04T16:56:00.003+08:00

Updates..

Okay, many things have happened eversince my last post..

I've gt loads to talk about but first of all, let me just wish my sister a Happy Belated Birthday, n to Mirul also who shares the same birth date, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

So yea,its October ardy and tym flies real fast huh?

Tawu, tawu, im going to haf my final exams nnn 'POOF', its HOLS!!

Gawd,im gonna be a yr two lyk in a glimpse of tym.

Sumtyms, i just feel lyk e world is evolving too fast.

Too fast for me to actualli haf tym to see the real world.

But anyways, the major ~~'shit'~~ that happened in school was finally OVER!

I just can't cope animore with the torture of staying back till 7pm to do a thousand words essay everyday which will increase day by day. haishh..(thk god it ended)

But on the other hand, i feel sorry n sympathy towards him. I knew we were all in this together to go back home, but didn't noe it wyl turn out this way.

I'll pray that nothing bad will happen to him. We're like a family in this, and to see one of us being expelled is gonna be a heartbreaking thing!!

Nnn, i guess everyone learned from their mistake..i do!..(:

So yea, don't wanna elaborate too much on what happened,just a sinopsis..(hahas,sastera agn..urgh~!)

Going out with my besties on wednesday to bugis.

I just wanna release my stress by going shopping..WOOTS!

oh yarh not fergetting to celebrate ryna's birthday.. sad ryte,coz of e things happening in school, i wasn't able to celebrate it with her vry soon..

but no worries, im sure its gonna be a vry memorable celebration.!

Urhm, wat else ekh i wanna write about...*wondering*

i guess that's all den..don't wanna bore you readers with updates of my feelings animore, coz its e same old whinings..LOL!

I've ardy got labels,when i HATE labels.! But its okay, as long as it ain't rude labels.(:

Till here..

lotsa LOVE,

wanaay♥

Enjoy this clip yarh! Im loving this Jiwang song..♥

*do have a tissue box with you..LOL*

(Thaqif singing, Tak ku sangka Tak ku duga)

Happy 17th Ryna!!

2009-09-26T12:53:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to MY DEAREST BESTFRIEND!! ღRynaQUEღ

A friend that's always there for me

A friend that will shed tears too when she sees me sad

A friend who just knows me inside out

A friend who understands every single crap of mine

A friend who never fails to make me happy when i feel shit inside

A friend that always stand by me tru my thick n thin of my life

A friend that caught me when i fell really deep in the break up...

She's there to nasihat me when i just feel that the world evolving around me has shattered..

I lovee you babe, n i thank god for making you my bestfriend!!

(remember, ur 17 ardy, pls act lyk one..hehe..okay im vry mcm phm..)

.............................................................................................................................................................................

Currently, im just lost to start on my 'simple essay'.. I guess this essay is like the easiest topic ever, coz it's about Raya..But i don't know why, i just can't get it started and focus...i guess i better stop procrastinating.!

Monday will be crap.. Gonna have 'Apresiasi Sajak' test. Den, tues got essay test. Exams are lyk in a few weeks time, and i can barely recollect what i had actually studied for the past 2 months~! Haiya, blum blajar seyh.. What's happening to me?? I just don't seem to be able to be 100% into school. So many things on my mind. I hate to be affected by some mundane stuffs. Anyway, STP day yesterday was awesome. I guess everyone had fun and gave all their best!! Everyone looked great! The one month practice really paid off well.. Dikir was a total success..^^

Pretty much thats all i guess,altho there's more i wanna write about, i think i shud stop now and get back to work..

Last but not LEAST!!

I wanna wish my ღBFFღ again, a HAPPY 17 BIRTHDAY!!!muahmuah!

Never thought it would end this way...

2009-09-23T22:25:00.005+08:00

I'm gonna be okay...

Why does my love story always has to end with me lost..

Just where did it all go wrong?

Its been 10 dayys, actually 1 mth i guess without e cntcting part.

I just reli wanna get over him but why is it soo hard??!!

I hate myself. I reli do. Why do i put my heart and soul fully to someone whom i guess wsnt as serious as how i was..he might be enjoying and im lyk a weak duckling!

Here i am always dazing thinking bout somethings that i know i'll never get the answers and turn the time back....argh! Love's reli crap when some reli don't undrstand it. I'm sick of getting involve in any r'ship animore. reli serik. sorry guys,it'll take me longer this tym round to be fully off him. And i reli don't noe why. Maybe coz i loved him too much that im suffering to the max to accept that he left me....

Fikiranku sering melayang

Terbayang saat-saat kita berdua

Aku rindu akan dirinya pada setiap waktu

Sampai hati dia meninggalkan daku seorang diri

Mana pergi janjinya untuk menyintaiku 'forever and ever'?

So in love with him that it hurts when he left me...

I hate tearing up when i hold on to that glass bottle..

I feel like throwing it away so i won't keep remembering him,

But its too painful to throw those memories...

He took my heart and he threw it away,

Nvr returning it bck..

I guess its gonna be memories that wyl nvr come bck.

Ku sanggup menitiskan airmata setiap malam jika itu dapat mengurangkan kerinduanku terhadapnya...

I wish to be a white paper again.

No scribbles on me..

Just a plain paper which is so plain that you don't dare to tear, write or do anitin to it..

But just to decorate it with colours...

even tho i really loved you,i gotta smile coz i DESERVE to..

All i want is to be happy, and i thought u were my happiness..i guess i was wrong..

2009-09-13T22:01:00.002+08:00

Why do i feel like a jinx?
Just when i wanna be relieved off assignments and projects,
my com crashed! How terribly i cried to realise that i've lost all my work and the effort i put in to finish it perfectly in a week,has gone to waste...
I felt like killing myself at that moment of time..
Just when i thought of compiling everything into my thumbdrive, just to know that its all gone.
Perfectly gone!
Starting a project again from scratch just hurts me deep inside, cause i spend sleepless nights to finish it.
And worst styl, its all gone in e weekend, no possibility of me finishing EVERYTHING in time..haishh.
Reli Jinxed..:(((

Yesterdayy, was kinda crap. Altho the students were adorable, and i was trying to have fun, i just couldn't put everything behind me. I must have looked terrible like how i felt inside. Stupidly, i cried when my lecturers were around after telling them what happened. However,they are the sweetest lecturers and they gave me one more week to finish it. Raya's gonna be a sad thing for me. Many things are happening and my life's been a hectic rollercoaster.

And now, just when i wanna be happy and learned to love again,
I am feeling that its all gonna end. soon enough.
It hurts like shit and its gonna take decades for it to heal.
I'm tired of tearing up, swelliing inside out.
Puffy eyes that just don't seems to vanish.
Don't blame me if im not your 'beautiful' girl animore due to continuous crying and sleepless nights.
Don't blame me if im not 'lilmisssunshine' no more, cause dayys of my lifes gonna turn dark soon.
Don't blame me if i'm not the 'happy-go-lucky' girl you knew, who used to hide her sorrows,
cause now, since you left, just sorrows when i think of you accompanies me.
Many wants me to cheer up, and i feel shit to put up a front when deep inside im such a sobbing kid that just can't stop feeling sorry for herself.
Sometimes when i laugh so much, a searing pain just gets me, am i such a hypocrite?
I deserve to be happy and smiling, and for that to happen i have to let you go, cause its hurting so badly.
Was it so easy to just put all that feelings aside?
I just don't know how i'm going to face the truth that its all ending, its really shattering me down.
To know that i loved him so much to lose him cause things aren't the same,gonna hurt me so much....

Mungkin yang terbaik adalah ku harus mundur...

2009-09-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

School's been rather hectic nowadayys.. I am trying to cope. Evrythings been fine except for the continuous flow of assignments..(i can go crazyy..LOL)..BUT overall, enjoying my dayys (or perhaps years to come) in STPNIE..I had sum kind of iftar smlm with my darls clsmates aftr a late dikir practice.. reli memorable..loved e talks we had..u guys are reli soo 'gerek'..hees..:D

Now, without fail my dayys wyl at least be filled with laughters coz of u guys..sweet!(especially aisha...my source of laughter seyhh!!!)

Tdayys dikir practice was fine..but it wud haf been better if there was like the music..i seriously dunnoee wat else i shud post..sooo moodless and exhausted..(im just posting coz sum dun want my blog tu be dead..here u go peeps..(: )

i dunnoe wats happenning to my r'ship but its like going nowhere. i dun tink e tym off is doing any gd..its just too long..haishh.. 'We'll see how it goes'...( i reli miss hym,bt if letting go makes it easier for the both of us,im gonna give in.....)

Mungkin benar cinta sejati tak berpihak kepada kita...mungkin hanya sampai di sini kisah kita,dan ku hanya pasrahkan diri dan hati ini.. Tiada yang boleh ku ungkapkan selain mendoakan kebahagiaan mu..jika cinta kita suci,pasti ia akan kembali jua akhirnya..tts all for tday..im soooo exhausted... :(

Weekend!

2009-08-15T14:10:00.002+08:00

At last,weekend is here~!
okayy..im like totally zone out in school..haishh...but watever uhs..
Aniwayy,loving my new image..!!hahahs!
Thanks to MAISARAH and HAIRANI who followed me yesterdayy,i feel sooo much better!! Dikir is reli coming out well..hees! Great practice yesterday,and reli i hope Wani and Shahirah dun upload the 'merepek' vid in facebook!!! IT's just OMG!..LOL..(but i tink nanti when dah ade rebana and all confirm nice one!!^^)

I wanna just live my life like normal now..useless cries at night just dun bring any good..no insomnia please..LOL..(fit, if ur reading pls EAT nnn SLEEP!!!!)

Why does it hurt so much to even think of you?
Why can't i sleep without tossing and turning in bed for hours?
Why do i lose my appetite when i see food?
Just why am i on the brink of tears when i'm reminded of you?
I just hate myself being like this.
Haruskah diri ini terus diseksa apabila dalam cinta?
If i knew it'd be this way,i'll never make myself terjerat dalam percintaan...
~~Stupid girl.~~

Imma dumb,dumb in r'ship..so don't date me..

2009-08-10T19:52:00.002+08:00

Everythings not right in every feelings.
All i wanna sayy,im sorry cause im such a mute wen it comes to guys..
Perhaps,dats my only problem,nnn how i hate myself for that..~!
I wish i could be lyk other girls hu just dun care bout wat image they portray to public, but my self pride n shyness just freezes everything.
Am i such a nerd,
A foolish, ignorant, dumb girl,weird,
Hu just cares bout her own feelings.. ?!?!?
I dun wish tu make myself look so dumb but tts wat i feel now..
If only i've explored Singapore more,denn i wudnt be such a hollow person in searching for a perfect place to haf fun and spend tym with my love.
If only i had that freedom,maybe im not hu i am now..Protective parents are a problem too..nnn now im such a ~~loser~~..
Im just sorry and that i am the cause for the awkwardness we alwayys face...

p.s:~~Happy two month btw...~~

Hys my EVERYTHING! ♥♥♥♥ (100609)

2009-08-06T14:06:00.007+08:00

Another chapter of my life...♥

It has been soo long eversince i wrote in this blog of mine...
nnn after reading ryna's blog i thought,i should just start writing again and rant bout those stuffs that people just loves reading.Daily life.
Firstly, i am happy with my life in NIE as a trainee teacher nnn of coz,i am perfectly happy with my LOVE life..(He is basically my dearie in my life..)
I guess, i can still cope with school nnn stuffs like that. But seriously,(as he said), my school is sumwhat like an art school..Just sooo many activities like drama,singing,nnn not forgetting the 'dikir barat' which is coming up in like 5 weeks time,if im nt wrong. So yea,school's been hectic,nnn i miss the nine months hols nw..LOL

Ouh yarh,maybe you guys are wondering why the hell am i blogging at this time of the day,(when everyone is practically in school..lol), is because im like soo sick..haishh..I just HATE flu,nnn let me repeat it again,FLU is really a terrible 'air-bond disease thingy' and i HATE it..urgh,watever u call it aye..LOL.:P
BUT,BUT..one thing good is that,i am hafing this extra,extra cuti..hahah! I meant an extended hols for me! BUT still i have assignments due lyk tonight,how unfair right..ishh..

Aniway,i think i shud just stop for now and continue with my 'Motivational essay thingy'(how i hate 1000 words essay!)...

But before that i would like to just sayy a few last words here in ths post..
Four more dayys syg tu our second month and i wish it'll change to years. It feels like yesterdayy was the day you proposed to me to be your one and only..*blushing*

Sumtyms,i just can't smile animore,
But dun you worry bout me,
i noe wat to do..
I'll just stare at one corner nnn,
Think of you...
No one else could make me happy like the wayy you do..
I love you with my every breath..♥

love,love,loveeeee..

2009-05-10T14:49:00.002+08:00

Cinta
Cinta itu lahir dari hati
Cinta itu datang dan pergi
Cinta membuahkan keikhlasan
Cinta menyatukan ikatan

Pada siapa kau bercinta?
Untuk apa kau bercinta?
Andai cinta itu menyelitkan kelukaan...
Andai cinta itu menyusahkan....

Cintaku
Cinta yang suci
Terbit dari hati yang murni
Hanya untuk yang setia dan jujur
Keintiman bukan segalanya dalam cinta
Intim maknanya tidak berpura-pura

Cintaku
Bukan kerana nafsu
Aku mencintai pada yang menyayangi
Aku menyayangi pada yang memahami
Cintaku
Cinta abadi
~~Sayang,cinta itu bukan milik kita....~~

Jika jarum jam lupa berpusing
Tiada lagi pandangan buat belakang
Terkurung satu dasawarsa
Menanti senja syahdu
Rintihan ku palingkan
Bersama kamar sajak sepiku
Disirami kepuraan
Membelit bungaan palsu
Jadilah sembilu
Meranap sesejuk air danau...

*My god,i can really compile and make a book seyhh..nyahas..^^

Hilang dalam kabus..

2009-05-09T21:24:00.003+08:00

Ketika dia ~~tiada~~
Lampu di kamar
Radio di bilik
Buku di meja
Sentiasa terbuka tanpa penghuninya
Inilah menjadi temanku
Mengharungi kegelapan
Tanpa meninggalkanku

Kurenung langit malam
Bulan mengambang
Tiada ditemani kerdipan bintang
Merestui puput bayu

Ketika dia ~~ada~~
Menempuh kesepian
Lampu di kamar
Radio di bilik
Buku di meja
~~Tertutup~~ sepanjang malam
Tidak menjadi temanku
Kerna
Malamku
Cukup ~~berkilauan~~
Dengan kehadiranmu

Barangkali
Buat tandu raksasa
Aku antara engkau
Engkau antara aku
Kami antara kita
Kita antara mereka
Diperguna
~~Dijamah~~
Bagi meredakan kemarahan
Mengisi perut tidak kenyang buntu

What have you done?

2009-05-08T13:20:00.002+08:00

Ke arah mana pun
Aku berlari
Ke arah mana pun
Mencari bicara setia
Ke arah mana pun
Mengundang puisi duka
Ke arah mana pun
Menduga gelombang kemelut jiwa

Ke arah mana pun
Aku melihat
Air jernih
Mengalir lesu
Tanpa bertebing
Menanti kunjungan pelita kasih
Yang dipekik angin
Yang dicengkam petir

Bebas
Bebas ku inginkan
Senantiasa aku meronta
Meminta diurai belenggu

Ke arah mana pun
Ku masih berlari
Digeser pengukur waktu
Membisik kebebasan
Yang bakal ku temui jua

*These upcoming posts will be the few puisi and sajak i wrote at home when i had the inspiration...^^

Sweet lies,perfect promises..

2009-05-01T19:11:00.002+08:00

Lidah memang lembut mengukir janji
Tapi tidak kau tunaikan
Akhirnya aku yang tertanya
Dimanakah kesudahannya
Kemanisan hidupmu
Telah terbina
Di antara kita berdua
Diam tak bererti aku membisu
Tetapi aku berhenti
Dan ku lebih berhati-hati
Di sebalik tutur katamu
Bagaikan debu yang berterbangan
Datang menutup pintu hati
Jika ku biar semakin menebal
Bertambah keras lagi hatimu
Jikalau tidak ku buat begitu
Pastinya aku tidak di sini
Bukan ku meminta simpatimu
Bukan ku mengharap balasan mu
Kebenaran dan kejujuran mu
Itulah yang sering ku nantikan

What exactly is life?

2009-05-01T17:40:00.001+08:00

It bears happiness and sadness
Still,it remained silent
No one has yet learned
What life is saying
Sometimes like your own
Sometimes like a stranger
Sometimes like tears
Sometimes like laughter
Sometimes like a river
Sometimes like thirst is how it seems
Its the soft sound of silence
This life is God's blessing
No one has touched or seen it
Yet it is the fragrance of experience like a scented wind
Speak with your heart
Listen to your heart
Choose the soulmate from the heart
The world may say anything
Let go of the world's thought
Adorning them on your eyelashes
Foster sparkling dreams....
I HAVE DESIRED YOU
Even upon death,this love in my heart will not diminish
WHEN your MEMORIES comes,my TEARS flows..
Time after time,i ask myself..
DO I DESERVE YOU?
My life had become your story
Why leave when i am part of your STORY?
Those WORDS of YOURS,
Those ACTIONS of LOVE,
Were those PROMISES and VOWS of LIES?
LOVE,is this true,just answer me this much..
So that this moment of trust do not break
Course im on the edge of breaking down.
Give me some requital for my waiting......
Why do i have to bear the pain of seperation?
In the roads of my destinations are lost....
You're now near me,but why do i feel there's distance?
How can i tell you what helplessness there is
Is this a way to live, there is only to drink tears.....

Random

2009-04-30T19:50:00.001+08:00

Gosh,gosh,gosh..
hees,wats wif 'gosh'?!
Nvm..actauli i just came back from watching 'Jangan Tegur' at EHUB!
It was an awesome-fanta-SCARY-tic movie!!hahax,whatt a werd..LOL
Can you guys believe it..??!
I actuali ate lyk three pack of popcorns tru-out the whole movie nnn shrieking at evry shocking part..some might tink they've got a lunatic out there..lOL
But who cares,i had a whole lott of fun..!
nnn i really can't wait fer my NIE tu lyk strt calling me fer orientation!!!!
hahahhahah!
okayylaa,till here..wanna catch up with my friends in msn..tata..(=

Tried so hard to forget you.

2009-04-29T20:50:00.001+08:00

Secara tiba-tiba,aku mengingatimu
Di kamar sepi,di malam syahdu
Walau kekecewaan sepahit hempedu
Ku telan jua dan dibiar berlalu
Inikah katanya rindu
Sengsara tiada terhingga
Setelah perpisahan pun berlalu

Malam ini dipenuhi tangisan pilu
Mengapa bila tatkala aku sudah bisa melupakanmu
Dikau kembali memohon maaf padaku
Dan ingin diberi peluang kedua menebus khilafmu
Apakah hati yang remuk
Dapat menerimamu kembali
Mengapa dikau meletakkan daku
Di situasi sebegini
Diriku kini lemah memikirkannya
Sudah cukup aku merana
Aku takut jika ia akan berulang lagi,sayang...

Terdengar lagu cinta
Berkumandang di radio
Membawa kesayuan
Membangkitkan hasrat ang terluka
Lalu aku terdiam pada lena yang panjang
Terhurailah rahsia yang terpendam

Berbulan dalam derita
Tanpa buat ku melara
Menggoda saat mimpiku
Di perjalanan ini

Pemergian dirimu
Putuslah cinta yang rapuh
Menikam diriku dalam memori
Kini malamku jadi gerhana
Hidupku tiada ertinya
Hanya bernyawa namun tak bermaya

Malam kian memaksa
Lagu menghanyut pilu
Wajah-wajah duka pun hilang
Jika bersua lagi
Mungkin aku menangis
Menahan getaran hati yang musnah

Terkadang ku merasa menyesal
Kerana telah sehabis daya
Aku cinta dirimu,oh kasih
Akhirnya aku sendiri yang tersisih
Bisa sungguh luka ini
Walau tak berdarah

Izinkan daku meluahkan rasa
Maafkanlah aku andai kau terasa
Mahligai yang dibina dari airmata
Jatuh berderai bagai hati yang hancur

Oh tuhanku,tabahkan hatiku
Temukanku dengan ketenangan
Ku cuba pejam mata
Tapi tak terlena
Kerna ku masih teringat padamu
Mengapa engkau juga yang ku rindu?
Begitu payahnya hendakku melupakanmu
Pernahkah engkau fikirkan,oh sayang....

*Just what should i do?haishh :'(

Jerks!

2009-04-20T17:40:00.002+08:00

What's this?I'm like feeling sooo sad..haishhh

nnn also fed-up..
i don't know who to blame.But is he in the wrong.

In the first place is it him who passed my number?

Must be him right,cause he's the only person among his cliques that has my ~~bloody~~ number.

I'm not like trying to make a big deal about it,but i'm just sad he gave in to his friends...

Seriously,i'm a lady with prinsips..

My hp number is very personal,

If it ain't,i'll be like the 'CHEAPEST' girl,going around saying 'NAH,EVERYONE!!!THIS IS MY BLOODY NUMBER!FEEL FREE TO CALL OR SMS IN ANY TIME OF THE DAY!!!!'

nnn all this stuffs of getting to know me by harassing your friend verbally n making him give in is really a no.no.no.(i'm just assuming it tho')

I really wanna know what is the real reason!

Told him many times,whatever it is,

he can't give my number without asking me.

Yesterday,his friend,accidentally/purposely(i don't know which actually)

typed my number in our convo..

Of course i was surprised..

Just when i wanted to ask,he appeared offline..
HE just BLOCKED me,~~OF COURSE~~ i guess..haishh

Denn when i messaged Mr A.(my friend whom i ~~trusted~~,n emphasized to keepsake my number) he

Just ignored my message and never reply.

It's sad okay.I don't want to lose a ~~best~~friend because of another friend.

I'm like thinking of hundred of reasons to make myself feel better,of why did he never reply,but i guess i'm the one in denial..ishh

Just what should i do..?

I guess in a way i shouldn't blame him,but

In the other hand i'm pissed off to by what his friend did.

What does he thinks of himself,going off like that?

I'm still in doubt..

Haishh be honest laa..ain't that hard kan,the worst can happen is i'm going to be upset,but i'm sure i'll recover ~~not so~~ soon...

love at first sight..

2009-04-19T13:35:00.001+08:00

Love At ~~First Sight~~

Mata bertentang mata

Adakah boleh terpancarnya sinar cinta?

Tanpa dirancang,timbulnya cinta

Apa itu cinta,

Atau sekadar ditimpa perasaan suka?

Namun dengan pandangan pertama

Hati bisa terpaut asmara

Berdegap-degup hati yang lara

Nadi berdetak semakin rancak

Perasaan ingin ~~sekali~~ mengenalinya

Tatkala bibir ingin berkata

Rasanya bagai terkunci

Senyuman yang dilempar,bisa menjawab segala pertanyaan yang ingin diketahui

Terasa dingin tubuh,

Dipanah cinta yang sememangnya ~~gila~~

Namun,mengapa ia begitu mengancam pandangan itu?

Adakah cinta sebegini wujud?

Walau apa pun,diri dan hati

Sudah mabuk kecubung

Dilanda perasaan gelora yang tidak bisa dihuraikan

Jika pelangi itu indah

Indah lagi perasaan dilubuk jiwa

Namun adakah semua pertemuan berakhir dengan kebahagiaan?

Hidup dipenuhi dengan misteri yang masih belum terbongkar

Tetapi ia tetap harus dihiasi dengan haruman kasih sayang

Biar gurindam jiwa

Menjadi alunan yang mengisi masa lampauku

Dan biarlah

Ku dibelai dan dimanja dengan cinta yang tiada dustanya

Ku hanya ~~gadis~~ yang ingin dikasih sepenuh hati

Hanya kesetiaan yang ku harapkan

~~Mungkin~~ hanya segenggam manusia percaya adanya cinta

Pandang pertama

Ku ingin mempercayainya,tapi ku tidak mengenalinya

Tak mungkin itu cinta

Apa dia jujur?

Adakah dia akan setia?

Apa dia sudah berpunya?

Jika cinta yang dilafazkan pada saat itu,atas dasar apakah itu?

Dasar paras rupa?tanpa mengenali hati budi masing-masing?

Is he Mr/Ms Right,or just Mr/Ms Right Now??

Sememangnya,tiada definasi tepat bagi cinta

Everythings fair in love...♥

Perhaps,faith's all we need...

Sometimes,we just have to leave it up to HIM...

Amin...